Did you hear Canada elected a new Prime Minister Monday? He’s a Liberal, and plans to invigorate the economy by investing in infrastructure, and oh, fuck it, he’s pretty hot—like actually hot, not just politician-hot.
So meet Justin Trudeau, a square-jawed, 43-year-old, strip-teasing, Canadian answer to the Kennedys. A former high school teacher and amateur boxer, he’s the second-youngest Prime Minister in Canada’s history and he looks like the product of a drunken hot tub encounter between Tom Cruise and Ken Marino. Sure he’s new to the politics game, but what Trudeau lacks in governing experience he apparently makes up for in hair follicles and chunky silver rings. And now he’s in charge, baby.
Did This Guy Come Out of Nowhere? I Think I’d Remember If We’d Met
If his name sounds familiar, it’s because it is: his father, Pierre Trudeau, served as Canada’s Prime Minister from 1968-1984.
The baby-faced baby boy also picked up some governmental experience of his own along the way. After leaving his job as a high school teacher, he was first elected to Parliament in 2008, when he ran in an “ethnically diverse” area of Montreal—a Canadian swing district, if you will—just to prove he could. Via the Wall Street Journal:
Mr. Trudeau proved his political chops, friends and analysts say, when he first ran as a Liberal candidate for the country’s parliament in 2008. He chose to run in an ethnically diverse part of Montreal, where support for the independence movement is strong, instead of the city’s west end that is safe Liberal Party territory and which his father represented.
Part of the reason was to debunk his critics, who claimed he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and had everything handed to him. He won election to Parliament in 2008, and was re-elected in 2011 and again on Monday.
Pics Or GTFO
Here’s his favourite party trick—it’s dangerous AND cute:
Justin Trudeau, he thinks the baby will balance itself!? He's just not ready. pic.twitter.com/O5C37QPdq3— Ryan Renna (@rrenna) August 2, 2015
And here’s Trudeau doing a little strip-tease at a fundraiser. Someone paid almost two grand for that jelly.
Now here he is making two cute little fists.
This is Canada's new Prime Minister. pic.twitter.com/1koNplpPjL— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 20, 2015
And here he is punching someone in the face with one.
here is a photo I took of a future prime minister punching a man in the face pic.twitter.com/nxQYQLNYvQ— Chip Zdarsky ;) (@zdarsky) October 20, 2015
OK. He’s Cute, But What Are His Politics?
This is the part of the date where you pretend to care about his dumb hobbies and her favorite Bravo shows—it’s not sexy, but you’re going to wish you’d paid attention before you moved in together. So here goes, let’s just do it real fast, and you’ll be back to eye-fucking over the table before you know it.
1. He’s super liberal.
Trudeau has pledged to attend the United Nations climate conference in Paris in November and to introduce a national plan for combating climate change within 90 days of that summit.
The 43-year-old is pro-choice, proudly declares himself a feminist..[and] also pledged to “end tax breaks for the wealthy, to give Canadian families more money to raise their children.”
Under Mr. Trudeau, Canada’s staunch support for some U.S. military initiatives could weaken. Canada joined the U.S.-led military action against Islamic State a year ago, but the Liberal Party says it will put an end to Canada’s combat mission against the militant group, and instead refocus Canada’s military role in the region on training local forces to fight the insurgents.
Legalising cannabis had been a key plank of Trudeau’s campaign and he had promised to work towards legalising it “right away”. “We don’t yet know exactly what rate we’re going to be taxing it, how we’re going to control it, or whether it will happen in the first months, within the first year, or whether it’s going to take a year or two to kick in,” he said in the run-up to Monday night’s vote.
He has pledged to run small budget deficits and spend on infrastructure to stimulate economic growth, which has been anaemic for years, raise taxes on high-income Canadians and reduce them for the middle class.
5. He’s a feminist who’s proud to be a feministdfjdlskaflsdka
I am a feminist. I’m proud to be a feminist. #upfordebate— Justin Trudeau (@JustinTrudeau) September 21, 2015
Anything Else I Should Know?
- He likes canoeing
- He shook Reagan’s hand once, and then Reagan announced to everyone, “I’d like to toast the future prime minister of Canada: to Justin Pierre Trudeau.” Was Reagan right about everything???
- He’s married to a Cecily Von Ziegesar villain named Sophie Grégoire and they have three young future prime ministers together
- He still smokes weed
- He once knocked out a former Conservative senator using only his fist in “a series of unschooled but powerful haymakers.”
- He acted in a sexy movie about Canada and World War I
- He has a tattoo of the earth it’s on his bicep
- Some jobs he’s had: “engineering, bungee-jumping coaching, environmental geography”
- Some other jobs he’s had: “a nightclub bouncer and a snowboarding instructor”
Hey What’s He Like Compared to His Dad?
Tall and trim, Trudeau, 43, channels the star power — if not quite the political heft — of his father, who swept to power in 1968 on a wave of support dubbed “Trudeaumania.”
Justin Trudeau shares his father’s good looks but not his demeanor. He does not flash the scalpel-sharp intelligence his father was known for, but neither does he display the sometimes acerbic nature that went with it.
He is personable. He is a family man. He has three kids. That is appealing. But he doesn’t have much gravitas. He is an intellectual lightweight compared with his father.
“Almost everybody looks like an intellectual lightweight compared to Pierre Trudeau.”
Cool, Tha—WSDFJKLDSFJDLKS Did Geraldo Rivera Really Sleep with His Mom??
Geraldo apparently made the claim in his 1991 book Exposing Myself (if you didn’t already know, he says he also shared his mustache with Bette Midler and Jacob Javits’ wife Marian—“among others”).
Geraldo, who claims the pair slept together in the 70s, says it was “like she was unleashing decades of pent-up frustration.” Could Rivera be the biological father of Canada’s newest prime minister? Well no—they look nothing alike—and also no—but the timing could technically work, I guess. But Trudeau has denied the allegations, and can you blame her? Anyway, she’s been linked to cooler paramours (not that that’s hard)—according to the AP, she also used to party with the Stones and hung out at Studio 54.
Not enough gossip in this coverage. Pierre Elliot Trudeau pretty much once dated Streisand. pic.twitter.com/9qS4N67A0o— Jess Petrella (@jesspetrella) October 20, 2015
Canada? More like DAMNada.