The Kardashian family released their annual Yule card honoring the fearsome rebirth of the Great Horned hunter God Cernunnos last night, and all of the ladies looked cute and cool, and everyone who beheld the image fell over dead 13 hours later
Here's the full version of the card:
While previous cards have featured such holiday staples as a Christmas DJ, anger, and a merry ladder, this year's—shot by celebrity photographer David "Dave" LaChapelle, and not, as you might guess, by deranged conspiracy theorist photo-illustrator David Dees—poses the question: "What if Christmas were an STD from the future?"
The resulting pixel tapestry showcases all the Kardashian women, including Bruce, posing dead-eyed amidst 12 tons of garbage. In a post on its website, the Kardashians' home network E! called the photo "stunning!"—likely in the sense of "causing to be briefly rendered unconscious." E! also noted that the set was filled with things, "among many other things."
Absent from the photo are Kim's fiancé Kanye West, Khloé's husbánd Lamar Odom, and Kourtney's life partner Scott Disick, all of whom were busy with side projects (touring to promote his album, allegedly smoking crack, and sucking all the life out of a room, respectively) on the day of the shoot. Kardashian brother Rob, normally included for no reason other than politeness, was also excluded.
Kim's daughter Nori was not featured in the shoot, though Kourtney's daughter Penelope was. Kourtney's son Mason was strewn haphazardly across what appears to be a discarded bus seat and photographed.
Kardashian manufacturing plant Kris called the photo "very pop culture" in the midst of one of her episodes, which aired on E! Sunday.
Bruce Jenner was placed inside a tube.
[Images via David LaChapelle/E!]