Kate Middleton: she’s fat! Got a fat face stretched across a marshmallow head, perched atop a neck made of a stack of quarters (if we’re keeping everything to scale) that's connected to a potato body. Why’s she being all fat all the time? According to some random doctor, it's because Kate Middleton is pregnant with a daughter, who is already mean girling her from the inside.

Dr. Jennifer Ashton is not Kate Middleton’s doctor. She is also, according to her website, "'NOT YOUR MOTHER’S GYNECOLOGIST.'" At this point, you may be wondering if she has ever had any patients at all. In a blog post for ABC News, Ashton states that she’s been an obstetrician for 13 years. More importantly, she is a lady with eyes:

After delivering over 1000 babies, I’ve seen my share of pregnant women. I’ve also had two children of my own. And science, medicine, wives’ tales, and gut instinct tell me we’re about to see a future queen be born.

Imagine touching 1000 babies. Creepy! Who would want to? Dr. Ashton, I guess. While she declines to share the particulars of the science that led her to make her sex prediction ("It’s important to remember that there is no plausible biological or medical explanation for these observations or trends"), she did boil it down to three essential points, based on feelings.

Point 1: Kate Middleton Got a Fat Face

There is ZERO physiologic basis or explanation for this — it’s just a trend that I (and many others) have observed. It is not 100 percent accurate, it’s simply a tendency. Kate’s face appeared full almost immediately, well before she even had a “bump.”

Point 2: Kate Middleton Got a Fat Whole Body

Pregnant mamas carrying girls tend to spread out from all angles (legs, rear end, back, face). Even the incredibly slender Kate seemed to fill out diffusely, legs and face included.

Point 3: Kate Middleton Was Literally Sick of Her Baby

In my experience, girls make for “tougher” pregnancies than boys do. Hyperemesis — the excessive nausea and vomiting that landed Kate in the hospital in her first trimester — is associated more often with girl babies, and I can attest to this experience with my daughter when I was pregnant too!

In summary, Ashton predicts “with every instinct and intuition and experience that I have” that the baby is a girl.

She concludes by saying there is a 50% chance it is a boy.

[ABC News // Image via Getty]