Stick a fork in this story, humanity is done.
Doctors in Australia have come across a case of autoerotic-stimulation-gone-wrong that is so embarrassing, they felt compelled to tell everyone about it.
According to an International Journal of Surgery Case Reports paper entitled "An Unusual Urethral Foreign Body" [warning: horrible, horrible photos inside] urologists at Canberra Hospital were recently presented with a 70-year-old patient who had ended up in the emergency room with a 10cm (4") fork lodged inside his penis.
Apparently the unnamed man had intentionally inserted the fork into his urethra in order to achieve "sexual gratification."
The patient was under a general anesthetic at the time.
"This case warrants discussion given the great management challenge faced by the oddity and infrequency with which a fork is encountered in the penile urethra," wrote the doctors in the report's abstract.
However, the doctors at least agreed that "it is apparent that the human mind is uninhibited let alone creative."