Having powered through the “futile bargaining” phase of the Donald Trump grieving process, the Senate’s bereaved Republicans are now processing the 2016 election as full-on depression, according to reports released Tuesday.
“You’d think that he would have pivoted by now,” Arizona Senator Jeff Flake told Bloomberg for an article titled “Republican Senators Lose Hope That Donald Trump Will Change.” “Not just the tone and the tenor, but some of his positions need to change. But I’m not hopeful right now.”
Trump’s insinuation that Obama may be sympathetic to Islamic State terrorists was the final straw for Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.).
“I’m not going to be commenting on the presidential candidates today,” the Kentucky Republican said Tuesday, in an abrupt reversal after several weeks of weighing in on Trump’s performance, particularly the ways he believed the candidate needed to improve.
McConnell’s No. 2, Majority Whip John Cornyn (R-Texas), declared he was done talking about Trump until after the election — nearly five months away.
But while many melancholy Republicans have chosen to give reporters the silent treatment when asked about Trump, South Carolina Senator Tim Scott employed an even more ingenious coping strategy on Tuesday: straight-up running away.
“Then,” reports the news network, “without another word, he walked onto the Senate floor.”