A brave, stupid young man in Rayong, Thailand “wanted to imitate Jackass,” Tomo News Today reports, so he had some friends pull a nest of fire ants off a tree and shake those angry little fuckers directly into his underpants. The background music is gnarly, but not gnarly enough to erase the sound of his infinite screams.
Entomologist Justin Schmidt, who developed the Schmidt Pain Scale by letting a wide variety of insects bite him and taking detailed notes on the sensations, rated fire ants a 1.2 out of 4. He described the pain as, “Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet and reaching for the light switch.”
But Justin Schmidt did not conduct experiments using his genitals, so our stalwart subject here had a chance to make a significant new contribution to the scientific literature. Here are his groundbreaking findings:
EEeeeeeeeeeeah! EEEEEEEEEaaaaaah! Eeee! Eee! EEEEeeeeeaaaaah!