Sending in a fake question to "Dear Abby," the longtime advice column now written by the 72-year-old Jeanne Phillips, is, admittedly, kind of psychotic. But—but!—if you are going to do it, please use this question about twerking as the bar.
Yesterday, Abby fielded a question from "TROUBLED MOM IN CONNECTICUT," who asks ("asks") the following:
DEAR ABBY: I'm the happily married mother of two teenage boys. The other day I overheard my older son (age 17) talking with a friend about "twerking." I have never heard of it and now I'm worried. Is twerking a drug term? Is it similar to "tripping," "getting high" or "catfishing"?
My 17-year-old is supposed to go to Princeton next year on a sports scholarship, and I'm afraid "twerking" will derail him from his charted path. Thank you for any advice you may have. — TROUBLED MOM IN CONNECTICUT
The reasons why this is almost definitely fake go from the intuitive (it's hard to imagine a concerned mother in 2014 writing to "Dear Abby" about twerking instead of just using Google) to the factual (Ivy League schools don't give out sports scholarships) but it's an otherwise pitch-perfect parody, with "catfishing" serving as a fantastic punchline.
As for Abby's response:
DEAR MOM: Don't panic. "Tripping" and "getting high," as you already know, refer to altered states of consciousness as the result of using drugs. "Catfishing" is something else. It's pretending to be someone you aren't, creating a false identity on social media, usually to pursue a deceptive online romance.
The "twerking" your son was referring to is a dance move recently made famous by Miley Cyrus — in which the dancer (usually female) gyrates in a provocative, semi-squatting position that involves thrusting hip movements.
[image via AP]