Me: Oh god Richard Simmons what are you doing during this Jimmy Kimmel Live appearance that you made last night?

Richard Simmons: Oh, stroking Jimmy Kimmel's face and sitting on Bill Hader's lap and licking Kimmel's card with questions that he'll never get a chance to ask because I am running this show and crying and talking about my planned duets album and speaking in a Mexican (?) accent and checking out Hader's ass and threatening (with my body) to give Hader a lap dance and twerkin' to the oldies and crying again when discussing orphans without running water and stripping and putting on a wig and applying lipstick and singing and lying on Kimmel's desk with my legs in the air like I'm conjuring the spirit of Anna Nicole Smith, or, I don't know, Marilyn Chambers. Why do you ask?