Men will do basically anything in an effort to have sex—this is a known fact. A man will even parade a houseplant around for days while taking photos with it. Let us examine the case of a man named Eric Freeman.

Here is how Eric describes his story on imgur and Reddit.

Co-worker asked me to watch her plant while she was out for the week.

Thus begins perhaps the most transparent and depressing attempt by a man to have sex with a woman in all of 2014 (non-Robin Thicke edition). Here are some photos posted by Freeman to the internet:

He's trying to bone a lady by caring for a plant.

He's pissing next to the plant of the lady he wants to bone.

He thinks this is gonna help him bone this lady.

Look at this shit.

Eric.

Eric, my friend.

This lady is not going to bone you.

Please don't jizz into her plant.

[via Buzzfeed]