Russia may be run by an iron-fisted dictatorial tyrant who's using the Olympic games as his own personal tool to legitimize his corrupt and unjust reign. Sure. But that doesn't mean he needs to make things worse by allowing shitty yogurt to cross his borders.

The most important story to come out of these Olympic games so far: Russia is blocking a shipment of low-quality Chobani brand Greek yogurt that was sent to the U.S. Winter Olympic team. Instead of thanking Mr. Putin for his gesture of concern towards our athletes' palates, American politicians in the pocket of Big Yogurt are mewling threats loaded with classic imperialist propaganda. From the New York Times:

"There is simply no time to waste in getting our Olympic athletes a nutritious and delicious food," [Imperialist Dairy apologist Sen. Charles] Schumer said in a statement.

I couldn't agree more, Comrade Schumer. Our athletes need a nutritious and delicious food. Like Fage.

Imperialist garbage yogurt OUT of the U.S.S.R.!

[Photo: AP]