This dumb year full of racist cops, Ebola, boring pop music, and subway condoms that went untouched for weeks is finally almost over. Hooray! An arbitrary temporal demarcation to provide the illusion that the worst is behind us! But before it does, here's a look back at what you thought was funny in 2014: People yelling "fuck her right in the pussy!" on live TV.
In 1776, the Phi Beta Kappa society was founded at the College of William and Mary for men in the "pursuit of liberal education and intellectual fellowship." Over the course of the next two centuries, Greek letter societies proliferated across the U.S. and morphed into the all-male butt-chugging clubs we know as fraternities today. This year in particular was big for frats, in that they were clearly identified as the primary arena for rape to take place on campus.
New Year's resolutions are pretty much wish lists for lazy people. This might be why I love making them. The promise of a new beginning that will completely right all the wrongs of the previous year? Yes, please! Pass the pen and paper. Who's to say this isn't the year where I'll finally lose that weight, run that marathon, and get those finances under control?
On this New Year's Day in America, 2014, the nation's typists ("thought leaders") are required to use their long-dormant psychic abilities to designate the next 12 months as the Year of Something or Other, whether that be "accidental mass suicide" or "wearable automobiles" or "raccoon-sized talking spiders." Such predictions will generally be wrong, yet there is also the remote possibility that the simple act of making a prediction will cause it to happen, no matter how ridiculous or vile.