The Many Exciting Ways 2016 Could Be Worse Than 2015

Sam Biddle · 01/04/16 03:48PM

Last year (2015) was by most estimations a “bad year”—when there wasn’t an active shooter on the loose, there was a demagogue riling up xenophobes, a killer cop avoiding indictment, or a new season of True Detective. It was bad. But there’s every reason to believe 2016 will also be bad—if not even worse.

Marco Rubio Is Losing

Alex Pareene · 12/22/15 09:25AM

Is Senator Marco Rubio running for president? Is that a stupid question? After all, there he was on stage last week in Las Vegas, speaking more than any candidate besides Cruz (he beat Trump!). He was, according to FiveThirtyEight, the most-attacked Republican candidate, too, which usually indicates frontrunner status. Except Marco Rubio isn’t a frontrunner in any poll, in any primary state; his popularity remains primarily theoretical. Is he actually doing anything to change that?

Trump On Concerns His New Fan Putin Kills Journalists: "At Least He's a Leader"

Allie Jones · 12/18/15 10:25AM

In a news conference yesterday, Russian President Vladimir Putin called Donald Trump “a bright and talented person” and “the absolute leader of the presidential race.” Trump loved this, obviously. Today on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, he declared, “When people call you brilliant it’s always good. Especially when the person heads up Russia.” Trump then proceeded to ham-handedly defend his new buddy Putin against accusations that he kills journalists.

Martin O'Malley Asks Democrats to Memorize His Face In Case Hillary Dies 

Allie Jones · 12/01/15 03:10PM

Martin O’Malley is now campaigning to be Democrats’ “second choice” for president, which isn’t a thing. But the former governor of Maryland announced his futile goal today in a meeting with House Dems, who have mostly all said they support Hillary Clinton, in an apparent attempt to remind them that he still exists.

Hillary Clinton Again Invokes 9/11 to Explain Her Wall Street Fundraising

Alex Pareene · 12/01/15 01:57PM

At a Democratic presidential debate in Iowa last month, Hillary Clinton was challenged to account for the fact that a large proportion of her campaign fundraising haul has come from the financial sector. She responded with a non sequitur about 9/11. Asked to elaborate, she seemed to argue that her popularity in the finance sector is primarily a result of personal relationships developed in the aftermath of that tragedy in lower Manhattan.

Send Us Your Intern Manuals for the 2016 Candidates

J.K. Trotter · 11/19/15 03:30PM

Have you ever interned for Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump (or any of the other candidates hoping to grab their party’s 2016 presidential nomination)? Are you currently interning for one of them? If your answer to either question is Yes!, you should dig out the intern manual you were given by the candidate’s staff, scan that sucker in, and email it to us. Anonymity guaranteed.

All the Dumb Pundits Who Said Bobby Jindal Was the "GOP's Obama" 

Allie Jones · 11/19/15 01:12PM

Bobby Jindal, the Louisiana governor dedicated to making his state’s education system worse, became yet another Republican candidate to drop out of the presidential race on Tuesday. “I’ve come to the realization that this is not my time,” he told Fox News. That’s true. Bobby Jindal’s “time” was six years ago, when a bunch of dumb pundits said he would be the “next Reagan” and the “GOP’s Obama.”

Jealous of Donald Trump's Body? It Can Be Yours 

Allie Jones · 11/18/15 04:11PM

What if I told you that you could lose 15 lbs. in five months with no calorie-counting, treadmills, or embarrassing weigh-ins? You can even eat snacks. All you have to do is work yourself into blindly racist huff one-to-three times per day, and you will see results. Just ask Donald Trump!

Hillary Clinton Explains Why Wall Street Loves Her: 9/11

Alex Pareene · 11/14/15 11:18PM

It is a fact that Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign, like her previous political campaigns, is funded in large part by donations from the finance industry. Bernie Sanders has criticized her for this—or, at least, he has pointed this out, critically. At tonight’s inconveniently scheduled Democratic debate on CBS, Sanders was asked to reiterate that criticism. Clinton’s response was, well, memorable.

All the Dumb Pundits and Reporters Who Said Biden Was Definitely Running for President

Allie Jones · 10/21/15 01:04PM

Vice President Joe Biden announced in a speech in the White House’s Rose Garden today that he is not running for president. This is a real bummer for the American public, which deserves, if nothing else, more election entertainment. It’s an even bigger bummer for all the pundits and political journalists who confidently reported—with sources and everything—that Biden was going to run.

Donald Trump Campaign Image Celebrates America With Photo of Nazi Troops

Jordan Sargent · 07/14/15 03:15PM

Running for president doesn’t have to be this hard: Today Donald Trump posted a campaign poster of sorts to Twitter. It features a stylized graphic of the American flag overlaid across Trump’s face, the hashtag #MakeAmericaGreatAgain, a plea to “put the U.S. back into business!” aaaaaaand a stock image of what appears to be war reenactors wearing replica Nazi uniforms.