Mets centerfielder Angel Pagan delayed last night's game because he was in the bathroom pooping. Apparently Pagan "felt a rumble at the end of the fourth" and ended up spending a significant portion of the fifth shitting, while his coach screamed his name from the dugout in vain. The announcers stalled! The crowd booed! His team played miserably! (The Phillies won 10-0.) But all that is beside the point. The point: What fecal nickname of shame shall we bestow upon Angel Pagan, problematic pooper of the New York Mets?