Justin Bieber's monkey, OG Mally, whose rejection by the pop singer and virtual exile to the depraved nation of Germany has captivated fans of both popular music and lesser primates, has begun to settle into his new adopted nation, perhaps finally ending a saga that has brought the watching world to a virtual stand-still.
This is not a "thing" that should distract anyone from their daily routine— in fact, it's probably best if you don't even read this and just continue on with your day in blissful ignorance— but, since we're here, we might as well mention that the Air Force guys in charge of launching our nation's apocalyptic nuclear missile arsenal are, like, totally incompetent.
Nathaniel Rich's second novel, Odds Against Tomorrow, traces the life of Mitchell Zukor, a young mathematician obsessed with predicting apocalyptic natural disasters. After college he finds himself working for a secretive insurance firm in New York City, where his ability to predict these cataclysms becomes his job. After his predictions are realized, Zukor is proclaimed a prophet in this new world, ravaged by natural disasters.
Evan Goldberg and Seth Rogen, the dynamic screenwriting duo behind Superbad and Pineapple Express, reunite just in time for the End of Days to pen a post-apocalyptic comedy vehicle for their buddies.
Many people now, at this point, have forwarded us the email they received from online dating service OK Cupid (screen-shotted) above, which was sent out with the subject "do you want to die alone?" which would probably just barely fall on the side of "cute" if it weren't accompanied by a graphic of an asteroid emblazoned with President Obama's face hitting the earth, in the process ripping to shreds what appears to be a rather large copy of the U.S. constitution. Hmm.
The world is ending! Thirty-three schools in Michigan are closing "in part because the Mayan calendar predicts the world will end on Friday." The New York Post is trying to help a model have sex. And yet for some reason, you're at work, instead of your bunker/place of worship/celestial energy node. But that's because you knew that Gawker would help explain to you why the world isn't ending tomorrow, and why everyone else thinks it is.
William Tapley is a lot of things: "Third Eagle of the Apocalypse," "Co Prophet of the End Times," and talented songwriter.
The recent global economic collapse combined with the cravenness of the banking industry and the general cheez-brained of the American public have made it all but inevitable that eventually the general public would simply start hoarding their few remaining valuables in iron boxes built into their bedframes and/ or outhouses. Some in the safe industry are "reporting sales increases of as much as 40 percent from a few years ago." But what are you people keeping in there?
Not to alarm you, at all, but in the near future our globe will be a hive of warring city-states in which armies driven mad by thirst slaughter one another over the final trickles of our parched world's last dying streams. That's what the government thinks, at least. Are you ready? You better get ready, my friends.