Here, some new research findings on the current economic climate, which we sincerely hope that you are reading while at work. *Forced, desperate smile* Some economists decided to find out how length of unemployment affects your chances of finding a new job. So they sent thousands of fictitious resumes out to respond to thousands of job ads, and, long story short: "the likelihood of receiving a callback for an interview significantly decreases with the length of a worker's unemployment spell."
You think because you "took the stairs" this morning that you can eat whatever you want? Nope, because we're all fat. The fat people are fat. The skinny people are fat. The regular people are fat. The young and old are fat. You're fat. I'm fat. Your mom's way fat. We're fatter, in fact, than we thought.
Julian Fellowes' Edwardian soap Downton Abbey returns for its second season Sunday night which is very excited news indeed. The first season was filled with many a twist and turn and, very often, this news was delivered via ominous letters that our beloved characters stared at blank-faced. In fact, each of the first season's seven episodes included at least three instances of characters receiving news, most times troubling news, in a letter. Here are all of them.
The bad news is that nearly 50% of people under 25 in Greece and Spain are unemployed. The good news is you don't live in Greece or Spain. The bad news is unemployment applications are rising here, too. The good news is that the federal government gives you 99 weeks of unemployment benefits. The bad news is, not for long! The good news is, you still have a job. The bad news is, one in five Americans believe they'll lose their job next year. The good news is, you're not one of them.
In August, the United States of America, the mightiest economic power the world has ever seen, created the following number of jobs for its citizens: zero. Zero new jobs, according to the very latest jobs figures released this morning, which "show an economic recovery that appears to be puttering out."
We've all been spending the last few weeks skimming through silly, summer news stories like the president having an illegal war in Libya and the global economy drifting perilously close to a double-dip recession, waiting on edge for real news about Sarah Palin getting back on a bus and driving through more states. When oh when will the Tour de Grift resume for its promised second leg through the Heartland? Perhaps never, sadly.
The American empire took another small step towards its inevitable fall this morning as the S&P cut its outlook on the nation's credit rating to "negative." The chance that our national credit rating will be downgraded from its current AAA rating some time in the next two years is now "at least one-in-three."