Perhaps you've had occasion to browse a newsstand recently (why) and you've noticed something odd. Take that first "d" and replace it with an "l" and you're well on your way to understanding a thrilling new trend in photos of notable women. No, that isn't softskinned Kentucky beauty queen Jennifer Lawrence on the cover of the latest issue of What's the Deal, Ladies magazine. Nor do those tap shoes with a Pilgrim buckle sit on the ankles of the nubile Scarlett Johansson as she poses like Venus on the Babes For Real bi-monthly. That woman you see, well, she is a woman of a certain age.
Our sister site Jezebel, which has a grand history of documenting precisely how grotesquely fashion magazines digitally carve up their cover subjects into impossible avatars of manufactured beauty, is offering a $10,000 bounty for original, unphotoshopped images from Lena Dunham's recent Vogue shoot. Hopefully Dunham will hand them over and collect.
Are you a wealthy white person with way too much time on your hands? Then do we have the workout for you!
In April, Dove Real Beauty campaign launched a saccharine video campaign that indicated that women have low self-confidence and downplay their own beauty. Strangers who described women they had just met to forensic sketch artists described "prettier" versions than the ones described by women talking about themselves. The video concludes: “You are more beautiful than you think.” But actually, it turns out, we have no idea what we really look like.
Dita Von Teese, the only burlesque queen that your mom knows by name, is currently plugging her new beauty book. In an 2600 word interview with beauty site Into The Gloss, she runs through her makeup routine in heavy detail. She also briefly talks about how she and ex-husband Marilyn Manson used to dye their hair black together, which really just warms your little black heart.
XO Jane went through a lot of serious drama when they had to part ways with dust-smoking suicidal narcissist downtown swinger beauty columnist Cat Marnell, after they had sucked every last car-wreck-in-action page view that they reasonably could from her while still maintaining a decent Caring Big Sister posture. But there's good news, desperate readers: XO Jane has an equally depressed suicidal beauty writer to serve as Marnell's spiritual successor.
Allow us to remind the "good people" (bad people) at the New York Times Style section that they already published the ne plus ultra of enraging Rich People Summer Camp trend stories last year, with their classic "Rich people are sending their kids to expensive summer camps on private jets" piece. No double-dipping in the Most Enraging Rich People Summer Camp Stories pool, NYT. I see you trying.
Today, in the year 2012, long after Martin Luther King Jr. and all those other guys marched and stuff, there still exists, right here in New York City, the type of discrimination that would have made Sojourner Truth stand up and say, "I don't think so!" [Pause for laughter.] That's right: salons are charging dudes different prices than women, for stuff, sometimes.
People with half a god damn brain in their heads not drugged to a stupor by that evil emotion "hope" have long understood that "anti-wrinkle creams" are bullshit. That, of course, has not stopped Americans from buying them by the truckload. We are a fundamentally dumb people. We must be protected from ourselves.
If you're like most Americans, you've felt insecure about the size of your chin. It's not sufficiently pronounced. It doesn't have Greco-Roman definition. Maybe it even looks like a butt. Lucky for you, plastic surgery has an answer — and a surprising number of people have taken advantage of it. Last year, the number of chin implant surgeries rose 71 percent to 20,680.
Now, we don't want to alarm you, but it's time you learned the truth. Magazines sometimes touch up photos of celebrities. I know. I know! It's shocking to think that Redbook might not be the absolute model of a journalistic commitment to the truth. But there it is. And here's a good way to deal with it.
It's Thanksgiving Eve, which means we here at Gawker are fully committed to bringing you as much sex, violence and cosmetology news as is fit to print. The pilgrims would have wanted it that way. How about a "knock-down, drag-out fight" at a Wal-Mart nail salon outside Atlanta — with video? Yes. We thought you'd enjoy that, sickies.