Notorious Scottsdale porn scribe Rep. Ben Quayle is already making a name for himself during his freshman House term. Unfortunately, most of that is due to his terrible standup comedy. But the boy wonder now has an opportunity to redeem himself and restore the Quayle family name to its fading 1980s glory. He's been tasked with ensuring America's earthquake preparedness, from his chair in a House subcommittee.
It's beyond all comprehension that a professional event planner in Washington, D.C. would offer seven minutes of freestyle standup comedy time, as the official entertainment for a black-tie banquet, to Arizona Rep. Ben Quayle, son of the former vice president and penman of Scottsdale's richest pornographic tales. And yet that's exactly what happened last night at the annual Congressional Correspondents' Dinner. Our old pal Ben Quayle, whose generic facial expression is that of a concussed deer in the highbeams, actually attempted standup comedy. And the poor guy couldn't even land the free laugh that is a "Politico sucks" joke.
Former greatest president ever Ronald Reagan turned 100 yesterday, you may have heard. A bunch of old white people fêted him out at his ranch in California, shortly before the Super Bowl. But the best memorial to the Ol' Gipper wasn't delivered in Simi Valley. It was in the pages of Politico, and penned by weird Scottsdale porn scribe Rep. Ben Quayle: