Why would you spend your money on a vinyl copy of U2’s Songs of Innocence? Regardless of your feelings on what I’m sure is a perfectly fine late-career U2 album, didn’t basically everyone get that record for free last year? The lunkheaded spendthrifts who stood in line to shell out for a “deluxe exclusive” version of Songs on Record Store Day and found another band’s music inside only got what was coming to them.
Imagine you're walking in Central Park. A cyclist speeds by, dressed in full Hasidic garb, then skids out of control, toppling to the ground. His injuries are brutal: broken eye orbit, fractured shoulder, bone poking through the skin of his arm. He looks up at you as if to plead for help, and surprise! It's Bono!
Maybe someone really is trying to kill Bono. Three days after the U2 singer ate shit while biking in Central Park, Rolling Stone has published a detailed report of his injuries, which include a broken eye orbit, a fractured shoulder, and a shattered left humerus bone (parts which ended up stabbing through the skin of his upper arm).
Breitbart.com guy and Human Events editor-at-large Jason Mattera is " D.C.'s Bad Boy Reporter," and what says "bad boy" more than ambushing U2 frontman Bono for a "gotcha" interview about U2's taxes? Ha ha, except that Mattera actually ambushed a Bono impersonator, which may be why he couldn't really answer questions about U2's taxes:
It was supposed to have been a bittersweet and quietly contemplative week for Glenn Beck, whose final Fox News Channel show aired today. Of course, all that was derailed by that senseless incident at Bryant Park, when his entire family was swept away by a wave of Cabernet Sauvignon released from a crop duster by an insane liberal. (Or else a plastic cup of wine tipped over. Reports were conflicting.)