How to Survive Interrogation Using Only Your Dick

Hamilton Nolan · 10/22/12 01:15PM

If you are ever captured by an enemy, and interrogated using the very latest mind control technique, and you have a dick, pay close attention to what you are about to read here.

New York Times Subtly Bans Creativity

Hamilton Nolan · 02/06/09 10:27AM

Colors aren't just for looking at. They're also for making your brain do things! Science has produced a breakthrough new study about how colors can make reporters stop screwing around and get to work:

Cool Games Brainwash Kids

Hamilton Nolan · 03/18/08 11:48AM

"For some children, watching "Dora the Explorer" on television is becoming passé. Now, they want to be Dora." Mother. Fuckers. They want to be Dora because multinational corporations are pouring millions into online games that masquerade as harmless diversions while actually indoctrinating children into brand worship! Nickelodeon is spending $100 million to draw in the children of the world with shiny games. Entertainment, retailers, junk food, and other huge business sectors are all using these games to lure kids into influencing purchasing decisions—some games are even designed for kids "on the laps of their moms." It's truly one of the most insidious forms of... hey, "Reese's Puffs Cereal Snowboard Slalom?" Sweet. [NYT]

"Come On Mi Gente, Let's Get Online!"

Hamilton Nolan · 02/14/08 03:36PM

We tried to leave this one alone, but its influence has now grown to the point that it must be mentioned. We're referring, of course, to that reggaeton-themed commercial for IO Digital Cable, which is maddeningly effective at making you remember a phone number you will never call. What do mermaids, life preservers, jet skis, and latin beats have to do with cable? Eight seven seven three nine three, four, four, four, EIGHT! That's the answer. This is both the best and worst ad in the world [AV Club]. Gluttons for punishment, please watch the ad below again and again until you can recite it from memory like the rest of the population of New York. We apologize.