We're loath to admit we've fallen behind on new episodes of The Simpsons, so we're extremely grateful to the reader who pointed the following out to us: On Sunday's show, after a fairly hilarious sequence in which Homer engages in an illicit affair with a gyro cone (which, for $4300, could basically give you all the unsafe satisfaction you could handle), the portly paterfamilias then puts a happy ending on his marathon session of rotisserie lovemaking with a trip to Pudding on the Ritz. His order? "One Butterscotch Stallion."
Despite heading back to work and getting his girl back, it looks as if all isn't entirely well in Owen Wilson's world. The NY Post is reporting that Wilson showed up at a private party in Miami over the weekend, where he was snapped attempting to dance across the water of a pool by a local paparazzo named Manny Hernandez. And while we tend to trust the celebrity over the pap in situations like this, it is worth noting that this is offense number two in Wilson's post-rehab paparazzo bullying file. As you might recall, he and Fotog Fighter king Woody Harrelson got into a brawl with the press in Peru back in December.
We'll be the first to concede that the whole "if they mated" joke has gotten less interesting as technology has advanced — those CSI-style mockups of what celeb couples' putative offspring will look like in Star has sort of killed the funny. But an extra-alert (or actually, maybe extra-high) tipster sends in an image that, to his/her mind, represents what will happen if sunny Goldie Hawn offspring Kate Hudson and goofy-nosed Wilson brother breed, and since a proposal may be in the offing — Page Six reports that Wilson totally went to a jewelry store, so obvs they are pretty much already engaged — we thought we'd share it with you. After the jump.
Page Six reports that 'The Office' megahottie John "Jim" Krasinski is in town shooting an adaptation of David Foster Wallace's unfilmable-seeming footnotefest The Broom of The System, but a quick imdb'ing reveals that the unfilmable-seeming footnotefest Krasinski is actually working on is Wallace's Brief Interviews With Hideous Men. Jesus H, Page Six. To, like, twelve geeks, this is a WAY bigger fuckup than the Butterscotch Stallion/Mocha Pony scandal last week. Hey, speaking of the Stallion and the Pony, we've always thought they'd be perfectly cast as Hal and Orin Incandenza. John, keep that in mind for when you get around to Infinite Jest, okay?
Okay, so the Wilson who's getting into fights with Kate Beckinsale on the set of Vacancy isn't a "blond funnyman with [a] distinctive nose," as the Post is reporting. But at least they got the photo right. Honestly, we wouldn't have been surprised to see Ann or Nancy Wilson of Heart fame up there. Unrelated: wouldn't a reality show featuring both sets of Wilson siblings being forced to live in a house together be an awesome idea? It would be called, like, "Butterscotch Barracuda" or "Try, Try, Try to Understand."
• Butterscotch Stallion shuns 2-dimensional image of Kate Hudson. Still probably sleeping with real Kate Hudson. [US Weekly]
• Jenny McCarthy still exists? [Cindy Adams]
• Tom Cruise wins award for being kind of an asshole. In other news, Tom Cruise finally gets something the old fashioned way, by earning it. [Salon]
• Carly Simon gets spanked before every show. We refrain from making jokes in honor of our mother's love for Carly Simon. [Gatecrasher, 3rd item]
US WeeklyStar writerresearcher wins right to finally write book no one wants to read. (Sorry, our bad. Still, we feel the heart of the joke was in the right place.) [Page Six]
• Cindy Adams to shit in woods. [Cindy Adams]
• Television industry masturbates, cums on its own face. [TMZ]