Jay Leno has become the most hated comedian in America. But he's not the only one! These comedians are also hated because they're unoriginal, obnoxious, and out of touch. But one theme ties them all together: they're not funny.
Designer/TV personality Todd Oldham turns 48 today. Director Spike Jonze is turning 40. Catherine Deneuve is 66. Composer Marc Shaiman is 50. Publicity-seeking doctor and author Deepak Chopra is turning 63. Famed venture capitalist Alan Patricof turns 75 today. Carlos Mencia is turning 42. Actor Christopher Lloyd is 71. Former child star Jonathan Lipnicki is turning 19. And Jeff Goldblum, who is very much still alive despite what you may have read on the Internet a couple months back, is celebrating his 57th birthday today.
Designer, author, and reality TV host Todd Oldham is 47 today. Director Spike Jonze is turning 39. Catherine Deneuve is officially a senior citizen (at least in the U.S.): the actress turns 65 today. Composer Marc Shaiman is 49. Legendary venture capitalist Alan Patricof is 74. Carlos Mencia is celebrating his 41st. Actor Christopher Lloyd is turning 70. New L&O castmember Jeff Goldblum is 56. The rapper Shaggy turns 40. And Jonathan Lipnicki, the little boy from Jerry Maguire, is 18.
We're 15 days away from arguably the most culturally charged election of the last 50 years, and it's not just David Letterman's outrage or Sarah Palin's SNL cameos moving the needle. In fact, the celebrity PSA crop of 2008 is as ripe as it's ever been — literally so, in fact, with every encouraging offering on the air giving way to three or four smug, pretentious, condescending or otherwise botched campaigns elsewhere. It happens every four years, as sure as the primaries; just when we think we'd seen it bottom out, along come Leonardo Di Caprio, Blake Lively, Carlos Mencia to knock us back to the Clinton era. So enough already, Hollywood! After the jump, find eight dos and don'ts to keep in mind when striving for the perfect celebrity PSA. You have four years to practice — on your mark, get set, go.1. DO let Jonah Hill host more PSA's on his own. As much as we appreciate the condescending, autoerotic flavor of Di Caprio, Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman, Demi Moore and a cast of elite thousands, this Declare Yourself ad proved that all it takes is an actual sense of humor about drugs, abortion and the economy to stir potential interest in the issues. 2. DON'T leave the Latino vote to Carlos Mencia, Cheech Marin and co. At least with Cheech around, however, Mencia can't steal Jonah Hill's jokes. 3. DO emphasize Justin Timberlake if you have a choice between him and Jessica Biel. He's just funnier, a better singer and there's always an outside chance of him "accidentally" pulling off someone's clothing. 4. DON'T give Hayden Panettiere her own spot. Especially not on Funny or Die, where she's neither funny nor dies nor so much as dings the McCain campaign she attempts to swear off — literally. Click to view 5. DO give Hayden Panettiere a spot with Jessica Alba. The "Muzzler" commercials are by far the most effective portion of Declare Yourself's multi-phase campaign to register young voters. Which is to say: We're sure the light bondage practiced on nubile, destabilizingly earnest starlets also compelled older men in the electorate to register their own "young voters" all over their keyboards. Remember, guys — you can only register once! No cheating! 6. DON'T let Anne Hathaway dance. Or anyone else for that matter. Perhaps the worst PSA of the season, this Creative Coalition spot is about as fresh as the bumper-sticker rack at a Wasilla scripture house. 7. DO pit Jews against each other. The Jewish Council for Education and Research brought on Sarah Silverman as the spokesperson for its "Great Schlep" — a late spring break of sorts encouraging young Jews to head off to Florida and convince their Nanas that Barack Hussein Obama is not the anti-Israel terrorist the GOP has allegedly made him out to be. Jackie Mason soon fired back on behalf of the Republican Jewish Coalition, smearing Silverman as a "sick yenta" over a saucy klezmer soundtrack. We hate to see such striking discord under the circumstances, but it's either this, or it's Roseanne Barr vs. Jon Voight. Which isn't a choice at all. 8. DON'T rope Blake Lively and Penn Badgley into a PSA together and not insist they make out for the Obama cause. Especially if we have to sit through the whole pasty cast of Fame: The Remake or Emo High or whatever the fuck just to get to Lively's sign-off. Of course, this being the United States of Defamer, your own suggestion are more than welcome below. Let freedom ring — or at least be less painful to watch on a quadrennial basis.
The battle to be crowned America's most humor-resistant comedian is down to the final two. For three weeks, Dane Cook has reigned at the top of his bracket in "The Unfunniest Comic" competition on WBCN's "Toucher & Rich" show, easily knocking out Jay Leno and Dave Coulier. In a shocking upset last week, Jimmy Fallon beat out insufferable hack-and possible material thief-Carlos Mencia. Since then, Fallon has been unstoppable.
Sure, the first person you think of is Dane Cook. With his blend of vagina jokes, date-rapey fans, and factory-distressed jeans, guy's a total douche cocktail. But what about Carlos Mencia? How can a man tell a retard joke that doesn't make me laugh? To celebrate March Madness, radio jocks "Toucher & Rich" on Boston's WBCN are whittling down a list of 16 lames to see who will emerge as "The Unfunniest Comic."
· Confident that Medellin left enough of Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar's life unexplored to warrant another biopic, the Yari Film Group is fast-tracking passion project Killing Pablo (starring Javier Bardem in the role immortalized by Vinnie Chase), though they likely won't be able to squeeze it in before a possible strike next summer. [Variety]
· Comedy Central thinks that Carlos Mencia has at least ten more episodes' worth of Arab and Mexican jokes in him, renewing its inexplicably high-rated Mind of Mencia for a fourth season. [THR]
Back on Wednesday, we passed along a video (still available here) of comedian and Fear Factor master-of-bovine-anus-devouring-ceremonies Joe Rogan confronting Carlos "Mind Of" Mencia about the widely held belief that Mencia helps himself to other comics' material (which, to his credit, he at least has to courtesy to transform into something completely unfunny). Since the release of comedy repo man Rogan's whistleblowing exposé, it seems the fight has been pretty lopsided in Mencia's favor, as Rogan blogs that he's been given a time out at the Comedy Store (the site of the confrontation) and lost an agent over the brawl:
Because Valentine's Day (yes, it's today—remind your married boss to send you out to obtain enough champagne to fill his Jacuzzi, which should probably buy him another year of boning the second assistant before divorce papers are filed) is a celebration of love, we pass along this video of a Saturday night Comedy Store quarrel between accused joke appropriator Carlos "Mind Of" Mencia and comedy repo man Joe "I'm A Famous Multi-Millionaire" Rogan, who finally have it out over Mencia's utter inability to get a laugh with other comics' material. Yes, their bickering gets quite heated and loud at times (and goes on at length—make liberal use of the fast-forward function of the YouTube slider bar), but one can't ask that such passion be expressed quietly. Happy Valentine's!