Cool Pope Francis, Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, possessor of truly Jadenesque follower count, acknowledged today that evolution and the Big Bang thoery are real, and that God is not "a magician with a magic wand."
Ariana Grande, the diminutive pop star plagued by demons, recently opened up about leaving the Catholic Church for Kabbalah. "When my brother [Frankie J. Grande] was told that God didn't love him I was like, 'OK, that's not cool,'" she told the Sunday Telegraph. Frankie is an openly gay ex-Big Brother contestant.
With help from anonymous Twitter users, Philadelphia law enforcement is closing in on the group of young people who beat up a gay couple on the street last Thursday. One of the suspects, an assistant coach at the Archbishop Wood Catholic school, quit his job today. The diocese announced the news, adding that "violence against anyone" is "inexcusable."
Bill O’Reilly wants to pummel the mayor of New York City, Bill de Blasio, for demonizing the wealthy. “I want to beat him up,” the Fox News anchor said of Hizzoner. (You can hear the audio above.) O’Reilly revealed his violent wish at a Thursday fundraiser for the Church of Saint Mary, a Catholic parish and K-12 school in the Long Island hamlet of Manhasset. As the Bible says: The rich will inherit the Earth.
The new Pope, Francis: great guy. He loves the poor. He's cool with atheists. He's even pretty chill about gay marriage and abortions. Yesterday's photos of him embracing a severely disfigured man were genuinely touching. Still, the best thing that this nice Pope could do would be to dismantle the Catholic Church.
Besides his downright primitive views on LGBT issues, the most potent critiques against the newly installed Pope Francis have had to do with his potentially gruesome role in Argentina's so-called Dirty War. Today there is more information about Pope Francis and his time in the conflict, and yet exactly what happened remains murkier than ever.