Chicken-sandwich chain Chick-fil-A—a God-fearing corporation led by people unafraid to speak out against gay marriage—opened its first store in New York City in October. Just months later, on Christmas Eve of all days, the city slammed the restaurant with six health code violations, leading managers to close the place down for almost a week. Coincidence? Or godless liberal conspiracy?
Winning enough Chick-fil-A® chicken sandwiches, iced tea, and medium Classic Sides to fill a man’s grave is easy. All you have to do is line up on the sidewalk for three hours with 300 people while the lead-colored sky bleeds into black night; while stinging rain, flung down from heaven by an angry God and then up, into your face, by 32 mph wind gusts, chills you to the bone; while a bleak chorus of freezing cops, frazzled event managers, and other various uniformed persons moan in rounds the following words: This is not the official line. This line is unofficial. This is not the official line. Then you must pray that that same cruel and arbitrary God turns His back on two-thirds of your wretched companions. If He does, and you manage to survive an additional 12 hours inside or near the Chick-Fil-A, then you have won the chicken.
Eric the manager is fed up! According to one Reddit user, a group of Instagram-loving, Vine-sharing, Twitter-tweeeting teens have been accusing their Chick-fil-A co-workers of being "3hunnid" and "on fleek." Management, it would seem, is against not only teens empowering other teens but true love (to paraphrase scholar Max Muller: "A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without bae"). If this is just a Redditor's hoax, he's captured the poetry of an aggrieved fast food manager perfectly. To this, and all other memos condemning the use of internet speak in the workplace, we say: Bruh!?
The family of Chick-fil-A founder S. Truett Cathy confirmed his death Monday morning. He was 93. Cathy's fast-food chicken empire, with 1,800 stores in 39 states and in D.C., topped $5 billion in sales in 2013. With an estimated wealth of $6.3 billion, Cathy was one of the richest men in the U.S. His son, Dan Cathy, currently serves as president of the company, which has drawn ire for its vocal opposition to gay rights.
Jeffrey Coley, 50, a former employee of Chick-fil-A, is accused of holding up a KFC drive-thru in Rock Hill, S.C. and speeding away with the cash register drawer containing $516.02. A day later and after a bit of a car chase, Coley was arrested by police in his Plymouth Neon, where the cash drawer was sitting on the seat with a little less than a gram of methamphetamine.