Me @ the Zoo, a documentary about Chris Crocker's rise to Internet fame, his "Leave Britney alone!" peak and its aftermath, premieres Monday, June 25 at 9 pm ET on HBO. Chris is joining us for a discussion right now. Below, let's chat with him about his inextricably bound life and career and let's not be dicks.
I write you, my friends, at a grave time in this country's history. Apparently people think they can just record any old YouTube endorsement of Barack Obama without the possibility of it backfiring and costing the Democrats the presidency. Ben Affleck endorsed John McCain for the greater good of the Democratic Party last night. If you're like him and you find yourself with a lower IQ than the norm and access to a video camera, don't post your thoughts to the internet, especially when those thoughts involve chanting, "Black Man in the White House!" Only the McCain campaign's lack of YouTube awareness can save us now.Can we really rule out that transgender YouTuber (and pop singer) Ms. Chris Crocker is a spy working directly under Karl Rove? Ms. Crocker made herself famous by netting millions of pageviews in YouTubes like "Leave Britney Alone!" Judge for yourself whether she made an egregious mistake in this one:
This whole thing is almost too hideous and useless to report, but, again, there is no news. To use a Choire-ism, news dried up and blew away about a month ago. So in these sere times, I am forced to mention that Chris Crocker&mdashsobbing Britney Spears apologist and, like, half a tranny-has up and done quit the YouTube. That's it! Like Lodwick and Gessen before him, it's over! I mean, there is of course one last video (smeared across the white internet page after the jump) in which Ms. Crocks asks his "legion" of fans to take a "deep ass breath" (heh, ass breath) and bravely swallow the news that, though he is its biggest star in recorded history, he has decided to leave YouTube because... well, I don't know. It's not really clear. See if you can parse the video yourself. What's really important, though, is that he's launched his own website, affiliated with new and soon-to-fail social networking site ShareNow. In his inaugural blog post he writes, demurely: "Hide your momma's, your daddies, and most importantly- your boyfriends. My official site is almost ready to launch.. Kisses & Cumshots, Chris Crocker" So that's, um, gross and irksome. Good luck... you.
Hey! (Hey!) You! (You!) Chris Crocker wants a boyfriend! Background: He's still only famous for being the one Britney fan more disturbed/ing than Britney herself. Extra background: He is a he. The 19-year-old Crocker still lives with his grandparents somewhere in the South (hometown and real name undisclosed). But if you figure the kid's rumored upcoming reality show will turn him into a star, see his video casting call below. " I want a guy who is off his rocker for Crocker," he says, "who wants to fight for me tooth and nail!" Suitors can leave video responses on YouTube to apply.
The effeminate young man who requested that the country lay off of Britney a bit has posted a video, the first one he's put on YouTube since his tearful plea of September 7. (He did post some others but immediately removed them, but this one's stayed up for a full day now.) In the video, Chris Crocker (still not his real name!) announces his return, shows us how scared he is, doesn't mention the reality show he supposedly landed two weeks after his rant, and sounds just like the passport-losing party-going indie filmmaker Arin Cromley. Also, fingerquotes! Which is why you should totally click through and watch.
Yesterday was difficult. It's always confusing and painful when our heroes fall. I know I want to start today with a little benediction, a hope that the machine will soldier on. To that end here is the latest from crazed uber Britney fan Chris Crocker. It will rejuvenate and elate you. Or make you get up and go outside. Either way, enjoy. [Oh, maybe NSFW? Depends on your employer's "gyrating" policy.]