"I have always liked Coldplay," the composer Nico Muhly writes, reviewing the band's new album with a delightful barrage of epigrammatic affection, expertise, and cruelty: "It unfolds perfectly, like a row house: there is no other place for the toilet to go, so obviously it goes there, at the top of the stairs."
If you maintain a cordial to friendly relationship with any creepy nerds on the Internet, you know that many people are freaking out about an episode of Game of Thrones that aired on Sunday, in which many things happened. The most shocking thing that happened—the thing that people saw happen with their own two eyes and still cannot believe—is that Will Champion, the drummer from Coldplay, had a small cameo in the episode.
Gwyneth Paltrow does a pretty good job of embarrassing both her children (Apple and Moses Martin) and God's children (all of us watching), in this video of her champagne sway-dancing onstage with Jay-Z and Chris Martin at the former's New Year's Eve concert.
Well, their heart is in the right place. During last night's Hollywood Bowl concert, Coldplay decided to pay tribute to the Beastie Boys' Adam "MCA" Yauch, who died yesterday at 47. The odd acoustic cover of "(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party)" — which Coldplay frontman Chris Martin sings rather than raps — is being hailed as a "touching tribute" and a "heartfelt rendition." Sure, it's a nice thought, but does anything about this cover actually recall the Beastie Boys?
On its march of contrition for last season, Glee still stumbles toward the light, slowing things down and getting serious and dramatic once again. But every now and again it stumbles, just like last night.
Coldplay has released an original Christmas tune titled, "Christmas Lights." The video brings all that you've come to expect from a Coldplay, including Elvises playing violins and fireworks.
So! The Hope For Haiti Telethon was last night, and if you're like everyone else, it was Friday night, and you were out, you selfish fuck. Or all TEAM COCO. Either way, music happened. Timberlake! Beyonce! Swift! Hova! Gospel Choirs!
• Remember the dust-up a couple of weeks ago when it was reported that Beyoncé had performed for the son of Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafi in St. Bart's on New Year's Eve? Photos of the concert have now surfaced, although the worst thing about them may be how Beyoncé looks like she's the headliner at a tacky club in New Jersey. [DM]
• Is Bethenny Frankel trying to pull a Star Jones? It seems Frankel has been approaching vendors and asking them to "sponsor" her wedding: She'd get their services gratis and, in exchange, they'd get a mention on her upcoming reality show, Bethenny's Getting Married. The only problem with Bethenny's grand scheme? She hasn't had much luck finding companies interested in taking part. [NYDN]
• Here's a great idea: David Letterman has reportedly invited Conan O'Brien to appear as a guest on his show. Cross your fingers! [PopEater]
• Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have not broken up, in case you were concerned. According to friends, he'd committed to working on a film in Wyoming, which is is why he didn't climb Mt. Kilimanjaro alongside Biel. It's not because he didn't want to, say, spend a week living with the love of his life in a tent. He would have totally done it if he could have. Really. [P6]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie donated $1 million yesterday to Doctors Without Borders to fund emergency medical operations in Haiti. As for whether Tiger Woods really paid to send a plane full of medical supplies to the devastated nation, that's a (pretty unlikely) story that Russell Simmons has been circulating, though Tiger's reps have yet to confirm it. But it wouldn't be the worst way to begin rebuilding his image, come to think of it. [Us, TMZ]
• Coldplay bassist Guy Berryman has paid $2.65 million for a 2,681-square-foot apartment on the second floor of 79 East 2nd Street. The best part: He'll be a ten minute walk from bandmate Jonny Buckland, who picked up an Astor Place condo last November. [Cityfile]
• Artist Richard Prince has paid $11.5 million for a townhouse located at 57 East 78th Street. The six-bedroom manse had been listed for $15 million earlier this year. [NYO]
• Mediabistro founder Laurel Touby has paid $3.905 million for a 4,100-square-foot penthouse at 43 East 19th Street. [NYO]
• Madonna's adoption appeal was "adjourned indefinitely" by the chief justice of Malawi's Supreme Court yesterday. Fair enough. After all, would you let a woman dressed like this adopt your child? [Reuters]
• Gisele Bundchen was seen leaving an OB/GYN's office yesterday with Tom Brady, which may mean she's pregnant, or may mean nothing at all. [P6]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard tied the knot in front of 40 guests in Italy on Saturday. [Us]
• Bebe Neuwirth is married, too. She married Destino vineyard founder Chris Calkins in a Buddhist/Christian ceremony at The Players Club on Gramercy Park. [P6]
• Rihanna has cancelled her comeback concert in the United Arab Emirates. The reason? "Poor timing," she says. [Sun]
♦ Haven't seen Giuseppe Cipriani around town lately? There may be a reason for that: He's believed to be outside the U.S. since he's on probation and because Andrew Cuomo is investigating how the family managed to keep its liquor license earlier this year. [P6]
♦ Angelina Jolie has been undergoing secret fertility treatments in the hopes of becoming pregnant with twins within the next two years. At least that's what Star says. [Star]
♦ Everyone on Gossip Girl may be hooking up with each other, but at least one relationship isn't going so strong: Blake Lively was spotted making out with a guy who was not Penn Badgley. [E!, P6]
♦ Leonardo DiCaprio lost his wallet at Rolf's on Third Avenue, and Tom Cruise lost his Blackberry somewhere in Toronto. [P6, P6]
You've heard the charges, you've reviewed the evidence, now hear the testimony: Coldplay issued a statement today insisting that "Viva La Vida" is in fact their own cloying anthem — not lifted from a 12-year-old melody by shreddy guitar legend Joe Satriani. Or, as the quartet so cleverly like to refer to him to their crowds (at least until he sued), "Moe Batriani."
Grammy Hell mascots Coldplay have pissed off yet another music listener with their anthem "Viva La Vida," but Joe Satriani won't settle for just turning off the noise. In a copyright infringement suit filed Thursday in L.A., the wanky virtuoso alleges that he actually wrote the noise. The evidence (such as it were) follows the jump.
The pungent scent of hot sulphur at Defamer HQ this morning can mean only one thing: Grammy Hell is bearing down on us, heralded as well by hosts Taylor Swift, LL Cool J and the rest of the wailing demon legion populating last night's first-ever primetime nomination special at the Nokia Theater. And what did their baleful cries portend? We're gonna get more Coldplay performance art!