Yesterday, I planned to write a blistering takedown of the FDA’s latest consumer update, a document bearing the laughable title “Raw Dough’s a Raw Deal and Could Make You Sick.” I even had two working headlines, “FDA Warns Against Raw Cookie Dough But Life is Short Go Hard” and “Chickenshit FDA Issues Raw Cookie Dough ‘Warning.” Alas, I can no longer go forward.
A man in Decatur, Ill. is being held on charges of attempted murder and domestic battery after he allegedly tried to murder his roommate on Wednesday when she admitted to him that she'd eaten three single Chips Ahoy cookies for breakfast. The news of the cookie consumption apparently sent him into a rage.
O.J. Simpson, the 66-year-old diabetic serving a 33-year sentence for armed robbery in Nevada, has apparently been caught stealing cookies from the prison cafeteria. According to sources with The National Enquirer, prison guards recently noticed Simpson hiding something under his “prison clothes” as he walked back to his cell after lunch.
The recent Girl Scout cookie crime wave continued last week when two Oregon Girl Scout troops were hoaxed by a fake order for 6,000 boxes of cookies worth roughly $24,000. By the time the troops realized the order was not real, the troop had already paid for and set aside the 500 cases of cookies necessary to fill the fake purchase.
This just in: Indiana state Rep. Bob Morris has "gone viral" for a sending a ranting letter to fellow Republican lawmakers warning that the Girl Scouts of America is "making their daughters more receptive to the pro-abortion agenda." He wrote it in an attempt to stop a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts.
Deep down, I am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you find out there's a new Oreo out there, and you're supposed to still care about the old Oreo. I feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. I was eating an Oreo and drinking some milk, which was lovely. And I happened to look over at my web browser, and I saw this neat article about how China has Oreos that are shaped like straws, and I found myself wondering what an Oreo straw would be like. Odds are they are still probably basic cream and chocolate Oreos. But I sort of think, well, maybe it's different. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know? [The 6th Floor / Planet Money, with apologies to Will Ferrell]
Facebook's tracking scandal has mushroomed into a niche industry of sorts for privacy lawyers. The company now faces at least nine suits filed by people who oppose the company's use of cookie technology that tracks users' online activity even after they've logged out of their accounts. Expect a few more suits to follow.