The propaganda that flows out of the Islamic State is typically of two kinds: Extreme, shocking violence (lynchings, shootings, stabbings, beheadings), or boring scenes of feigned domestic stability (a hummus factory, crops, a bus stop). But the fitness routines of ISIS constitute a third, bizarre form of media terror. Should we be scared of them?
There are few things as funny as crazed Crossfit evangelism. There are also few things as funny as someone doing something dumb and narcissistic at a war memorial. This weekend, the two finally and inevitably met, when famous Crossfit evangelist Dave Driskell did a handstand on top of the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe in Berlin.
A white quad-copter drone saddled with a camera buzzed above us at Brooklyn's Floyd Bennett Field while a uniformed soldier warbled her way through the national anthem, discordant but in harmony just the same. As she finished, the microphone was passed to Sergeant Major Mike Lillie of the United States Marine Corps.
CrossFit®, the name-brand fitness craze that you shouldn't participate in for several reasons, is still growing in popularity, with more WODs killed every day. And while CrossFit will get you in shape (if it doesn't give you a crippling case of rhabdomyolysis), it might not make you look like the badass you've always wanted to be. Case in point: These people.
Crossfit is an exercise program with pluses and minuses. On the plus side, it really will get you in good shape. On the minus side, its adherents sometimes resemble intolerably intense cultists, and also, it turns out, it's run by extreme libertarians who enjoy sharing pro-capitalist philosophies, to go with your squats.
First of all let me just say that Crossfit is great. It's great! Crossfit will get your ass in shape. There's no question about it. I certainly am not going to say anything that would make thousands of people in "WODKILLA" t-shirts unduly angry. So it must be said, right up front: Crossfit is a very, very good workout thing.
Did you get a chance to do Crossfit when it was still hardcore? Did you get a chance to do 15 body weigh overhead squats followed by 400-yard sprints for time until you puked, or Tabata intervals until you puked, or sled pulling followed by burpees followed by box jumps followed by muscle-ups, until you puked? If you haven't done it already, it's too late. Crossfit is over.
First, the media implants an unattainable idea in our heads about what a human body should look like. Then, on top of that, popular publications give confusing advice about how to achieve that impossibly cut look! In the last couple of days, the lying liberal media has published several articles on various fitness techniques. You don't need to read any of them, because we're about to round them all up and drop some serious knowledge on you about the phony, media-driven fitness fantasy. After the jump, how to save money and kick ass in this shallow, workout-obsessed world.