Eyebrowless Bond Giving 115 Percent

Seth Abramovitch · 03/09/06 06:59PM

The makers of the next James Bond film have gone on the defensive. Having read the reports questioning their choice of fair-haired, tooth-impaired Daniel Craig for the title role, Casino Royale producers organized a press junket on the set, that reporters may gaze upon Craig's rugged yet dashingly appropriate good looks and ease with a hand weapon. Craig himself dismissed all those pesky rumors:

Short Ends: Not Every Playboy Cover Subject Is Naked

mark · 03/02/06 08:14PM

· Jessica Alba still wants that Playboy pulled, but the magazine's people make a very good point: When Donald Trump was on the cover, no one expected to see him spread-eagle on one of his incredibly tacky dining room tables.
· Every backlash has its anti-backlash. Craignotbond.com, meet Givecraigachance.com.
· Cracked teaches you how to win your very own Oscar. Hint: Anal sex is the new ugly.
· If this morning's post didn't satisfy your craving for Eddie Murphy tranny stories, there's a lot more where that came from.
· We've never seen a Kirsten Dunst impression before, but this YouTuber kind of knocks it out of the park.

Blonde Bond: Under The Tuxedo

mark · 02/23/06 05:20PM

We were so moved by the recent stories that former James Bonds Pierce Brosnan and Roger Moore leapt to the defense of embattled 007 successor Daniel Craig that we decided to call upon his famously tuxedoed cinematic ancestors to rescue their pilloried compatriot once again. The WOW Report has some revealing shots from Craig's tomato-slathered full-frontal work in Some Voices, a moment of weakness the actor swears was alcohol-induced. We assumed that the pistol-packing trio would understand the things a hard-drinking superspy might do after a couple of stiff martinis on an empty stomach and wouldn't mind standing sentinel over Craig's naughty bits. But should curiosity get the best of you, clicking the above image will quickly decommission Blonde Bond's security detail.

The Ex-Bonds Club Stands Up For Daniel Craig

Seth Abramovitch · 02/23/06 02:09PM

New 007 Daniel Craig has been having a time of it lately: His web-enabled critics are accusing him of being nothing more than a blonde Bond shell, and reports from the set have him losing teeth in fight sequences gone awry and incapable of driving his own Aston Martin. Leave it to his legacy, then, to come to his defense. The Scoop notes that the Bond Craig replaced, Pierce Brosnan, somewhat magnanimously explained to a UK reporter that injuries on a Bond shoot are common, saying, I got stitched up and sewn up a few times, it just didn t get in the papers. [...] There s going to be mishaps.

New Bond Looks Like Everyone But Bond

Seth Abramovitch · 02/22/06 12:39PM

Daniel Craig Humiliation Week continues, following yesterday's reports that the unpopular new James Bond lost a couple of teeth in his very first fight sequence, with an item in today's NY Daily News claiming that the actor admitted he was incapable of driving Bond's signature vehicle a redesigned Aston Martin because the car is a stick-shift. Meanwhile, Craignotbond.com, your internet home for hilarious Craig bashing, makes a strong case that the actor is perhaps better suited to fill the shoes of any number of Hollywood icons over Agent 007, from Nosferatu to Kramer to that All-American tween take on the great British spy himself: Banks. Cody Banks.

Short Ends: Bad Day For Blonde Bond

mark · 02/21/06 08:52PM

· It's been a tough day for the new 007, who lost a couple of teeth, and then had some angry Bond fans with too much time on their hands launch an online jihad against him for his perceived failure to properly fill the iconic tuxedo.
· Harrison Ford on why he made Firewall: "I like to play a real person who has a real life and family. I just thought it would be a good movie for an audience to enjoy." We admire him for keeping the more personal reasons, like the rising cost of helicopter fuel and the fact that Calista Flockhart demands a new, solid-gold pony every day as a gift, to himself.
· Blogging.la got a nice facelift.
· TVGasm, as always, asks the tough questions. Today: What if your favorite informercial was actually about a penis instead of an amazing folding ladder?
· Kissing Madonna seems to have been good for Christina, but may have ended Britney Spears' career.
· The only thing cuter than gay Lego cowboys is the tiny sheep they tend. [via BoingBoing]

Bond Gets His Villain And Girl

Seth Abramovitch · 02/16/06 01:36PM

Turns out the cabbie zooming around Copenhagen telling any fare who'd listen that his son was the next Bond villain was right after all: Mads Mikkelsen, the loose-lipped taxi driver's son, has been officially cast in the role of evil genius Le Chiffre in Casino Royale, making him the rare Bond baddie to be arguably hotter than Bond himself (in fairness, Jaws did have a certain lunky sex appeal):

New Bond Will Strip For Booze

Seth Abramovitch · 01/25/06 07:39PM

Daniel Craig, the next James Bond, is set to take the superspy to new places: blonde, mediocre-looking, unsettlingly blue-eyed places. But as purists are already taking bets as to how quickly he will be replaced (11 minutes into the upcoming Casino Royale's opening waterskiing sequence seems to be the odds-on favorite), Craig is readying himself for the arduous shoot by committing to an oath of sobriety:

Bond Vs. Bond

mark · 01/06/06 03:49PM

Despite the fact that Daniel "New Bond" Craig's Munich is a Spielberg film playing in about 1,500 theaters and Pierce "Old Bond" Brosnan's The Matador is an entry from Sundance in January just now making its way into 28, ABC News thinks we should all look at this weekend as some kind of Bond-off between the two actors. Brosnan, however, doesn't want to take the bait:

You'll Get Your New James Bond Tomorrow

mark · 10/13/05 11:00AM

Sony announced that it will end its torturous James Bond Edition of "Just the Tip In" tomorrow and finally thrust the name of the new tuxedo model deep inside the superspy's anxious fans. We've heard that the recent British tabloid chatter is correct: Kate Moss is a skinny-minny coke-whore. We kid! Daniel Craig will be named as the latest Bond, news that we find at least fifty percent less satisfying than the possibility that he porked Sienna Miller. We offer our premature congratulations to Craig, who outlasted a potential Bond field of Clive Owen, Jude Law, Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom, Hugh Grant, Dr. Who, a plate of delicious fish n' chips, a joke about bad teeth, and, of course, Ewan McGregor.

Blond Bond Boning Sienna Miller?

mark · 10/11/05 02:38PM

If you're going to try and figure out the current status of Jude Law and Sienna Miller's relationship, you might as well ask your neurologist to stab you in the brain with a Phillips-head screwdriver and save yourself some time. People collects a denial about the latest British tabloid report on the nanny-punishing pretty boy and his humiliated ladyfriend: