Air travel is the fucking worst, everyone agrees, but it is sometimes a necessity. And, when it is, most people just book the cheapest economy flight available to them, regardless of airline, and suck up the indignity of layovers, limited legroom, and cramped baggage space. Now, Delta has introduced an additional indignity to which you must agree before taking your place behind some seat-reclining asshole.
A Delta plane skidded off a snow-covered runway at LaGuardia Airport just after 11 a.m. this morning and crashed into a fence. All 131 people onboard the flight were evacuated, and there were no reports of serious injuries. Following the crash, the airport announced that all runways are closed until at least 7 pm.
The Baby Name Critic had not yet been called to service when Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, a couple claiming to be Hollywood talents, gave life to their firstborn, a girl child unfortunately named Lincoln. If the Baby Name Critic had been writing for hire then, she might have said: Do not name your daughter after a geriatric brand of automobile/the 16th male president. Really, must we burden our young women by giving them both the first names and the surnames of men? A better solution for parents interested in honoring Lincoln's values, but also bolstering the feminist cause, would be to name your daughter after a strong woman of the Civil War era: Harriet (Tubman or Beecher Stowe!). Clara. Lucretia. All stunning names.
Life in business class is better. You get to board first, so you can sneer at the tired, disheveled proles as they walk through the cabin with their sick children and burlap sacks full of poor person food. You receive free drinks, which is always the best. You have more leg room, making it easier to pass out after downing your Ambien and/or Xanax (chasing them with your free champagne, naturally). But that's not all: if you fly business class on Delta from Amsterdam to Atlanta, you also get sandwiches with needles in them.
Honestly, we didn't really give a shit about this enormous solar storm—the largest since 2005—currently pummeling the Earth's magnetic field with protons, cutting swaths of brilliant multi-hued fire across the northern sky. Until we learned that Delta was forced to delay a few flights. That's got to be a huge pain for whoever was on those flights. Horrible.
David Alan Anderson is not an exemplary traveler. After the 60-year-old Salt Lake City native recently boarded a Las Vegas-bound Delta flight, he immediately started elbowing the passenger seated directly next to him in an attempt to "claim" the armrest, according to a federal complaint. That led to Anderson putting his "foot on the passenger's leg," to which the passenger responded: "Sir, you are going to have to move over."
Hello, everyone! I hope you had a relaxing weekend and are fully recharged for the work week ahead. In the chance that you still have a few residual kinks left, however, please now enjoy this footage of a bat flapping around the cabin of a Madison to Atlanta Delta flight, filmed shortly after takeoff at 6:45 a.m. on August 5. Passengers were able to trap it in the bathroom until the plane could turn back around and land, but it unfortunately escaped before animal control could test it for rabies and/or vampire rabies. Enjoy! (And please, no Samuel Jackson quotes — they just detract from the zen. We thank you in advance for your cooperation.) [via io9]
Staff Sergeant Robert O'Hair just returned home from Afghanistan along with the rest of his unit, though with lighter pockets. Why? Because Delta Airlines charged 14 of them an extra $200 each to check a fourth bag. In the video above, O'Hair and a colleague explain how they were treated by the airline.