Scientists Discover New Ways to Make Women Self-Conscious

Hamilton Nolan · 03/24/10 12:08PM

Ladies: are you psychotically obsessed enough with your physical appearance? Fear not! Scientists have now determined exactly where you're failing in your quest to not be a fat, disgusting cow. They'll make you insane yet!

Celebrate the New Year With Fitness Failure

Hamilton Nolan · 01/11/10 04:13PM

It is the new year which means it's time for you to go on an unsuccessful diet, America! Let us survey the landscape of sure-to-fail fitness ideas rolling out (ha) soon. Select a few and promptly abandon them!

Lose Weight With Taco Bell's Drive-Thru Diet

Whitney Jefferson · 01/04/10 02:43PM

We can't believe this commercial is real. Taco Bell is encouraging Americans to utilize their "fresco" line of tacos for those looking to lose weight as their New Year's resolution. But does this diet include cheesy fiesta potatoes? If only.

Emily Brill Will Not Allow You To Eat Yourself To Death

Hamilton Nolan · 09/24/08 11:53AM

Media heiress and urban prose stylist Emily Brill used to be overweight, which is worse than cancer. She heroically slimmed down, and is now compelled to weigh in, ha, on weighty public health issues. So when she saw a week-old Times story about the decline of calorie-counting, she could not conscientiously keep quiet! "Mind if I add my two cents?" she writes. "I did manage to lose some weight over the past year or two..."

Ad Man's Diet Book: Hoax, Or Just Bad Idea?

Hamilton Nolan · 08/25/08 10:16AM

When Alex Bogusky, the ad guru for Burger King and Domino's Pizza (among others), announced last week that he is publishing a diet book, the general reaction was, "Ha, hypocrite Whopper-seller." An alternate theory, though, is that the book is part of some elaborate hoax, or will turn out to be the peg for a new Bogusky ad campaign. But if it is, he's doing a good job keeping it a secret; Burger King and Domino's, the two fatty food-touting clients most obviously affected by the book, had to find out about it by reading a news story: