PHILADELPHIA—On Thursday evening, surrounded by a throng of reporters with cameras and soggy from the light rain, Joey Johnson performed the same trick he’s been performing for three decades. From a few rows back, it was briefly possible to see the flame that was licking the American flag he held in his hand, but the fire went out after just a moment or two.
During the final few nights of the Democratic National Convention, the politically-minded users of Twitter dot com noticed a phenomenon: Republican commentators openly lamenting that their party’s convention had been surpassed in the category of “patriotic fuckfest” by the Democratic party they had at one point successfully branded as only for anti-war pants-pissers.
Regardless of whatever political good or harm it did, former New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg’s appearance at the Democratic National Convention on Wednesday appears to have gotten under Republican nominee Donald Trump’s skin. “Trump says he wants to run the nation like he’s run his business,” Bloomberg told the DNC. “God help us.” (Folks!) “I’m a New Yorker,” he continued, “and I know a con when I see one.”
During her historic acceptance speech Thursday night, Hillary Clinton thanked Bernie Sanders. As the cameras cut to him, Bernie visibly reacted, which is to say I can tell he’s not dead because he’s clearly blinking. Never change Bernie!
Turns out politicians are just like us—they were once young and attractive, with their whole lives ahead of them, and now they’re not. Join us on a truly incredible DNC-themed look back at once was, what could have been, and which former cutie you should call “dad” this week on Twitter (it’s Tim Kaine).
Offering to lend Donald Trump his copy of the Constitution, the father of a Muslim soldier killed fighting in Iraq humiliated Donald Trump on stage at the Democratic National Convention, pointing out, rather accurately, that Trump has never had to make a major sacrifice in his life.
This is an incredible night to be absolutely anyone other than Donald Trump. Let the owns continue.
PHILADELPHIA — Here at Gawker, a company bankrupt both economically and morally, we have rented no “official” DNC headquarters for the week. Luckily for us, the Washington Post has kindly allowed us into their beautiful set-up at the City Tap House, where we have been dining and imbibing all day, for free, which I presume will continue until the woman guarding the door realizes her mistake.