Feckless Teens Demand Never-Ending Parade of Paid Assistants

Hamilton Nolan · 11/08/10 01:31PM

Is your mollycoddled teenager playing you for a fool? It seems likely. They can't do their homework without a pricey assistant at their side; but they can make more money than you promoting tween parties. Parents, wake up!

Only Three Stereotypes Left in College

Hamilton Nolan · 10/20/10 10:06AM

A close study of media reports and peer-reviewed studies reveals that there are only three kinds of college students left in America: the snobs; the dropouts; and the cheaters. These are their stories.

It's About Time to Give Up on 'Schools'

Hamilton Nolan · 09/16/10 12:39PM

Is it time to give up on the fantasy of educating children in schools? We must regretfully report: yes, it is time. The teachers are getting violent, moonlighting as criminals, and leaving the kids to play video games in class.

This Is the Worst First Day of School Since Last Year

Hamilton Nolan · 09/08/10 03:15PM

Happy first day of school! What do we have to complain about? All types of things! The schedule is stupid. The prices of school supplies are out of control. The bus is late. And hey, stop shooting us!

Middle School: Worthless

Hamilton Nolan · 09/01/10 12:08PM

You probably remember your middle school years as a "golden age" when your horrible physical and emotional awkwardness resulted in frequent humiliation at the hands of early-maturing bullies. Surprisingly, researchers say middle school's not all it's cracked up to be.

Do Not Pay For Any Internships (Especially Not in DC)

Hamilton Nolan · 08/30/10 10:20AM

First, there were paid internships. Those were okay. Then, there were unpaid internships. Those were just slightly better than nothing. Now, there are internships you pay for, which won't even get you a high-paying job. Those are a scam.

Schools Neglecting the Most Important Thing: Their Image

Hamilton Nolan · 08/16/10 10:56AM

What's the problem with schools these days? Well, besides the racial performance gap, the out-of-control employees, and the city government takeovers, they just can't keep their most important stakeholders (the media) happy.

So Now It's the School's Fault That You're a Failure?

Hamilton Nolan · 08/10/10 11:01AM

Since time immemorial, the job of a high school has been to see to it that kids get their god damn diploma and never come back. Now, someone wants to keep track of how those kids do later? Why?