Uber, the car service oh excuse me technology company that just makes an app and definitely does not employ drivers, is currently fighting it out in court to make sure its employees don’t legally count as employees. In its latest motion, filed Thursday, the company argues 160,000 California Uber drivers shouldn’t be able to sue as a class because they “have little or nothing in common.”
A distressing new survey reveals that last month's Day Without A Starbucks—when the friendly coffee conglomerate closed for three hours in a gaudy PR stunt that placed the Olsen Twins in mortal peril—was a failure. While three quarters of all consumers knew that the closing happened, not even half knew why the closing took place [Ad Age]. Do you?
Incompetent superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian is a busy man. When he's not suing his former employees (another one, yesterday!) or calling one of those employees a "STUPID CUNT," he has to run his firm, 5WPR. So what is life at 5W like? Judging from the tips we've gotten from former employees, we'd describe it as: Shouty and unhappy, with a mild chance of being embarrassed by a stripper.
Now that the media at large has had time to reflect upon the important national matter that was Starbucks' closing for three hours for "training," it's time to take a look at the lessons learned. The real purpose of the event: A PR stunt. The media: Played like a violin. Complicit: Us. Did CEO Howard Schultz succeed in finding the company's "soul?" Of course not! It was never there to begin with. And the real benefit for the employees: The chance to get drunk and dress up in costumes. As this final, poignant insider email to us attests:
Another (self identified) REAL Starbucks employee has come forward to give us a peek behind the coffee company's chipper training day iron curtain of enthusiasm. This tipster confirms that Tuesday's mandatory job training was, in fact, for nerds, but then rises to a stirring defense of the company. The argument: "Sure, I got a nasty case of herpes on my hand because management is too cheap to buy more than one pair of rubber dishwashing gloves for a staff of fifteen. But hey, I'm insured to the hilt, so the Valtrex to quell said herpes is deeply discounted." Solid! The full, amusing email after the jump.