Port Authority police officers and FBI HAZMAT units were called to JFK Airport's postal facility on Sunday after customs agents reported a strange odor coming from a package. Contents of the package initially tested positive for VX nerve gas, but authorities eventually determined it only contained beauty supplies.
It's that most exciting time of the year again for the global elite, who are all in Switzerland right now plotting secret-overlord terror plots at the 2011 Bilderberg Conference. This is not to be confused with the other annual rich and powerful secret conference in the woods outside San Francisco where they all have gay furry sex under a big Pagan fireball.
The monitoring anklet that Lindsay Lohan, Hollywood's most larcenous starlet, has been forced to wear while under house arrest went off earlier this week. That would normally indicate that Lindsay's left the building. But when police went to her Venice Beach house, they found LiLo lounging in the sun on her roof deck, reading scripts. Authorities surmised the bracelet must have malfunctioned. Are they sure they located the right Lindsay? The one we know wouldn't be caught dead actually doing work.