Chipotle is closed this afternoon because the company gave a bunch of people E. coli and now must make a grand public showing of how serious they are about not poisoning us. As part of this savvy public relations gambit, the company announced today that we’re all entitled to a free burrito. In return, Chipotle only wants one thing.
Kentucky Fried Chicken might as well be called Kentucky Fried Breading, because that is clearly the only reason to eat there. But the chicken, bland though it may be, is more important than it seems, because breading on a rat just tastes “nasty.” That’s according to a man who says he accidentally tried it.
McDonald's, the molded plastic king of America's molded plastic cuisine, has decided that money will no longer suffice to purchase its meager offerings; the company now demands that you degrade yourself in order to be fed.
Close your eyes and imagine: chicken entrails blended and stuffed into a fleshy, pill-shaped sac, then infused with a savory cheese-inspired paste. Wrap that nuclear taste missile in a slab of breaded poultry, top it with a drizzle of deli mustard, and launch it careening toward your own gaping maw. Do you like it? You've just been Doubled Down, Dog, courtesy of KFC.