Every year, Americans are treated to a long procession of assemblies in which Hollywood's most creative minds boldly suggest there is intrinsic entertainment value in watching people give prizes to themselves. On Sunday, we passed the first of these. And yet, for the 71st straight year, the most deserving martyrs of all—the actors pretending to be humans on our favorite reality shows—went uncanonized.
Last night at the Golden Globes, the legendary director and writer Woody Allen was presented with the Cecil B. DeMille lifetime achievement award. Everyone applauded–except for Allen's former family. "[D]id they put the part where a woman publicly confirmed he molested her at age 7 before or after Annie Hall?" Allen's son Ronan Farrow wondered sarcastically.
On the Late Show with David Letterman last night, smart-mouthed superstar Jennifer Lawrence explained her controversial acceptance speech for Best Actress - Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical for Silver Linings Playbook at Sunday's Golden Globes. "What does it say? I beat Meryl," is how she opened her speech, and she explained to Letterman that she was referencing the 1996 revenge comedy The First Wives Club. She didn't mention, though, that she was also referencing the truth, because she did, in fact, beat Meryl Streep, who was nominated for Hope Springs.
Like everybody else in Hollywood, Disney Channel alum Selena Gomez was trashed after Sunday's Golden Globes ceremony. Watch above as Justin Bieber's 20-year-old ex wobbles and slurs gushing praise for the show (which was great on weed, too, according to...uh...one of two of us who led Gawker's Liveblog of the ceremony). "It was a good moment for me," she says of Jennifer Lawrence winning Best Actress Musical/Comedy for Silver Linings Playbook. She clarifies, "I don't even know her, but I think she's so cool." Oh.
Last night, Hollywood had its first dress rehearsal of the awards season: the Golden Globes. As with most rehearsals, a lot of shit went wrong: audio cut out, teleprompters malfunctioned, and several women grabbed the microphone to scream crazy things into it; in another era they might have been burned as witches.
Last night, Jodie Foster, a famous actress who has been a famous actress for many decades, stood on stage at a glittery Hollywood awards show being broadcast around the world, and, in a lengthy, self-glorifying speech, in front of a crowd of the world's most famous people, asked for.... privacy. Is Jodie Foster clinically insane?
The best thing about the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is they'll nominate anyone just to get all the cool celebrities to come to their super-fun party, the Golden Globes. Plus, since it's not like a regular awards show, it's a cool awards show, they let you drink, as long as you do it in the house.
The best thing about Golden Globes night is that it provides dinner to a roomful of stars who otherwise could not afford to feed themselves. The celebs sit smushed elbow-to-elbow at round dinner tables and the International Ballroom of the Beverly Hilton looks like an Olive Garden the ad sales department has rented out for its 2003 F-ad-bulous Employee Recognition Dinner. Also everyone gets wasted, which is great for .gifs.