The New York Parks Department has yet to return our phone calls on the official identification of the wet slab of species found along the East River over the weekend. Why? Because they're busy. Apparently, the top priority of this local agency doesn't involve keeping New York City's residents safe from being overrun by mutant creatures subsisting on a diet of infant limbs and household pets. Luckily, Gothamist found one Cornell professor to tell them it's a dog, specifically a small dog "obviously bloated." That's one theory.
Think back to the summer of 2008, when city-dwellers and scientists were all vexed and perplexed by the hook-nosed carcass stinking up the craggy shores of Long Island. Later dubbed the Montauk Monster, the apocryphal stories emerged about secret nuclear animal test centers and, for a brief instant, New York appeared to have its next biggest tourist attraction since Stomp! [UPDATE: New speculation received in the last hour tells us this is no goddamn pig.]
Earlier this summer, Chinatown Garbage tourister Nate Hill told everyone, plus his dad, about his E.V.E. art project via video: "I know how much you love African art... [it's a] life size female human being that I'm currently sewing together. It should be complete around September." Well gee-boy was he right. The creepy thing—which "contains parts from buffalo, cat, cow, coyote, dog, fish, guinea hen, lobster, octopus, ox, pig, rabbit, shrimp, and squirrel"—is done, right on schedule. In light of this summer's real (Montuak) monsters, man-made beasts are suddenly looking hip for Fall.It's her hand, above. This part below is the head! Duh.
No, not Putin! Ha ha! In an effort to ramp up competition with the United States, Russia has produced its own version of the feared and revered Montauk Monster. It's the Moscow Monster! Its carcass washed ashore on the Eastern coast of the Motherland, indicating that Sarah Palin likely shot it from hundreds of yards away in Alaska, while nestled in her rooftop hunting blind. Russian scientists have yet to identify the creature. Note that it is a more hideous and distorted version of the kinder, gentler American original (but don't worry, some good Russian things recently washed up on our shores). Click through for larger, horrifying image.
Did the secret monster army being bred on Plum Island lose another experimental "marine?" Or did the Montauk Monster simply move from one side of Long Island to the other via an overflowing drainage system? The North Shore Sun received pictures of a dead creature that supposedly looked like Monty and that was seen by at least three Long Islanders before mysteriously disappearing, probably because its body was snatched by a secret Plum Island/Homeland Security commando team. The summer of monsters truly is endless! One witness' report, plus a larger version of the picture at left, after the jump.
Apocalypse Meow! Our endless Summer of Monsters lurches on! The Post reports today about a cat that is 'ear marked' (har... har... wheeze...) because, zomg, it has four ears. A scan of the picture is above. The cat's name is Yoda. It can hear you twice as well. "People do a double take when they see him or his picture," said the cat's owner. "It's great fun showing him off." That's the spirit. "Freak cat! Er'body look! Monster cat!" Oh Yoda. Horrible harbinger of doom you are. Click through for larger image of the demon feline.
I have terrible news. The Broadway-bound revival of swingin' Godsex musical Godspell has been postponed. And you know why? The economy. Yes the bad economy is even stopping Jesus. What terrible, hellacious times are we living in, anyway? You'd half expect to see demons filling our streets... And! Wait, yes! Look, there they are. Hell beasts, and Bigfeet, and all manner of other two-headed ghouls. It's the summer of monsters, lurching into our world from the ruined corners of this modern world. After the jump we'll take a digested look at this season's many abominable creatures.