The senior boys of Biglerville (Pa.) High School are all getting ready to dress up in khakis and collared shirts for their graduation ceremony this month, per the school’s dress code. Meanwhile, the girls are getting ready to hide their unsightly “sausage rolls, as Mrs. Elliott calls them” also per the dress code, because everyone knows “you can’t put 10 pounds of mud in a five-pound sack.”
Young Jathan Muhar is graduating preschool in a tough job market, but he's got his priorities in order and knows exactly who he wants to be when he grows up. We could all stand to learn a thing or two from him.
In between jabs about the Wahoos snagging the top spot on Playboy's list of top party schools and personal recollections of doing some partying of his own with the girls of Phi Kappa Phi, Stephen Colbert had one pearl of wisdom to impart on the University of Virginia's Class of 2013: Feel free to be self-obsessed.
Dr. Ben Carson, the Johns Hopkins neurosurgeon and rising Republican star, announced Wednesday that he will no longer be speaking at the commencement for Johns Hopkins School of Medicine after making some inflammatory comments about gay marriage. On a Fox News appearance, Carson compared gay marriage to bestiality and pedophilia.
Okay, so it's graduation time and we Gawker folk have already exhausted ourselves giving you outgoing seniors all our super sweet advice. I'm sure you won't listen to ANY of it, because you're all so damn hungover. So let's spend today craning our necks and checking out all the other grads sitting around you. Graduates fall into very distinct types, and here are a few of them.
This morning in Evanston, Illinois, Northwestern University's 2,800 graduating students gathered for commencement. On hand to give the commencement address? None other than alum Stephen Colbert of the class of '86, who delivered an uproarious 20-minute speech which squeezed in references to campus controversies like "Brothelgate" and a professor's infamous sex demonstration. It's embedded above for your enjoyment.