Colorado Is Engulfed in Flames

Caity Weaver · 06/27/12 12:49AM

Colorado is fully on fire. A number of devastating blazes are currently raging across the state in various stages of non-containment. Governor John Hickenlooper is already calling this "the worst fire season in the history of Colorado."

It's Easier Than Ever to Get Married While Drunk at a Seaside New Jersey Hellscape

Hamilton Nolan · 01/13/12 09:33AM

Atlantic City: the biggest shithole on the East Coast, where blocks of open-air crack markets immediately give way to cut-rate seedy casinos full of doomed and hopeless poverty-level day trippers in a geographic continuum of vice and despair unequaled anywhere in its chemical spill-laden state of New Jersey. Now it's easier to have your wedding there. Alert your spouse-to-be.

Wal-Mart Turns Black Friday to Black Thanksgiving

Hamilton Nolan · 11/10/11 09:30AM

Glorious American capitalism has advanced so much in the past year that the traditional "Black Friday" day of shopping hell has now become "Black Midnight," in which major big box retailers open their doors on the first, dark minute of the day after Thanksgiving, so that your time in pre-Christmas retail torment may be prolonged as much as possible. Target's doing it. Best Buy's doing it. But... but what about Wal-Mart?

Holiday Shoppers Face 'Black Midnight' in Retail Hell

Hamilton Nolan · 11/07/11 10:16AM

Here we are, two months into the Christmas shopping season. Have you finished? No, because you didn't start in September like you were supposed to. Well, not to worry; corporate America is doing everything in its power to make you feel guilty about your laziness and poverty of ideas as well as money for several more hours, this holiday season.

Watch These Guys Drive Through a Raging Inferno

Jeff Neumann · 08/02/10 07:28AM

Southern Russia is basically on fire. Yesterday alone, hundreds of fires broke out due to record heat and dry fields, and at least 28 people have died. But that didn't stop a few guys from driving through Hell on Earth.

Awful Clubs and Soulless Condos, Together at Last

Hamilton Nolan · 03/29/10 09:29AM

Are you one of those "young people whose true religion is music?" Marketing consultants have determined the proper place for you to live: in a gleaming, Miami Beach-style condo on West 30th street. Where music lives!

Botox to End Western Civilization

Hamilton Nolan · 01/25/10 09:36AM

Botox: "the only profit-making venture for terrorists that can also potentially yield a weapon of mass destruction." Any Islamofascist biology major can pose as a Botox salesman while manufacturing enough botulinum toxin to kill thousands. Save us, Nicole Kidman! [WP]