mark · 01/16/08 05:30PM

The San Diego County Medical Examiner's Office has finally revealed what killed abusive music legend Ike Turner; please hold all "coke is it!" and "cocaine is a hell of a drug" jokes until the end of the statement: "'We are listing that he abused cocaine, and that's what resulted in the cocaine toxicity,' said Paul Parker, chief investigator at the medical examiner's office.The medical examiner's office also lists hypertensive cardiovascular disease and pulmonary emphysema as 'significant and contributing factors' to Turner's death.'" Those who had taken the "TOO MUCH BLOW" square in their Ike Turner Toxicology Report Pool are now officially eligible to collect their winnings from those who went with the "divine retribution" long-shot. [NBC San Diego.com]

"Ike 'Beats' Tina" Is Post's Classiest Headline Ever

Emily Gould · 12/13/07 09:34AM

Ike Turner is dead at 76, which means he has not outlived his onetime wife Tina Turner and thereby beaten her to the ultimate finish line: Death. See what they did there? Ike had a long and influential career during which he collaborated with many famous musicians and maybe sort of helped invent rock and roll, but he will be remembered mostly as Laurence Fishburne in the 1993 movie 'What's Love Got To Do With It,' being like "Eat the cake, Anna Mae," to Angela Bassett.

mark · 12/12/07 04:55PM

"IKE Turner, musician and ex-husband of singer Tina Turner, has died at his home in suburban San Diego, his manager says. Turner was one of rock's architects, but his wider infamy was as the man who brutally abused former wife Tina Turner." For those not fully acquainted with Turner's abusive legacy, we recommend an immediate trip to the video store to rent What's Love Got to Do With It, which will leave you with a creeping, lifelong fear of Laurence Fishburne. [News.com.au]