For whatever reason, Americans prefer the Super Bowl to involve men playing football under the names of various animals and soldiers, and not the actual soldiers and animals themselves. Which is why at Gawker, we're asking the only important question: What would happen if a real patriot played against a real seahawk?
A young lad on his way to college posed this question today, in the above email, to our tips line (in response, we're fairly certain, to today's Lodwickgate). Honestly, it's left us a little stumped. What to tell this curious fellow about the things we carry to you every day? Perhaps we should simply tell him to drop the F out of school. Perhaps we should say that we are indeed immensely hip and that we got that way through years of calculated faking it. Somehow, those responses don't seem to satisfy such a deep and ponderous question. So we're curious, dear readers, what would you say to this chap? Do people in New York really act like this? Hell, do "people" period really act like this? We may never really know the answer, but please try to elucidate the dear boy if you can.