The Revel Hotel and Casino—better known as the Jersey Shore's last, desperate attempt to hide its stale cigarette smell with a spritz of cloying eau de toilette—lost big today. The still-shiny-and-new $2.5 billion property plans to shut down next month, confirming once and for all that the Atlantic City dream is dead.
And now it's dead...almost. Last night's episode of Jersey Shore found the show's guido/guidette family packing up and moving out of Seaside Heights, NJ, for good. The girls cried, Vinny got an itchy eye and the entire goodbye scene was full of euphemism, as many acknowledged how the show changed their lives without specifically being able to say that. Insert Snooki "Waaaaah!"
Jersey Shore returned for its sixth and final season last night, and ugh, Jersey Shore is on TV again. I haven't kept up regularly since three quarters of the way through Season 2, but it seems like they're still fighting about the same stuff they were fighting about two seasons ago, if last night's flashback reel was an indication. Mike vs. Snooki. Sam vs. Ronnie. JWoww vs. nature. Pauly and Vinnie not vs. the inherent homoeroticism of their relationship. They're still embracing it.
The second Jersey Shore spin-off, Snooki & JWoww is set to premiere Thursday, June 21 on MTV. It doesn't look as miserable as The Pauly D Project, so that deserves at least a faint, "Yeah, buddy!" But you know, fuck these people and the dead horse they rode in on. I'd recommend sending them to another planet to save us all time, but Jersey City seems like an adequate alternative.
Last night, MTV premiered The Pauly D Project, but it was more of a chore than a project. A spin-off documenting the jet-setting life of the most likeable Jersey Shore cast member (not that that's saying much) and his band of disciples, Project has all the charisma and excitement of belly button lint acting out Entourage.
During the greatest sociological experiment of our time, we've seen our eight subjects in their natural habitat in New Jersey, in their adopted homes of Miami and Florence, but never have we seen them actually interact with, you know, nature. There is a reason for that.
Something serious and sad is threatening the greatest sociological experiment of our time: couples. Yes, it seems like everyone is paired up and Snooki is even expecting Jersey Shore's first virgin birth. Haha. Just kidding. Snooki's no virgin. And Situation got Vinny pregnant when he touched the smush bed anyway. That was the first.