In this life, you flail blindly, pummeling your way from one day to the next through alternating periods of heroic effort and helpless inertia, unwilling or unable to behold the world beyond the lonely confines of your own ego. In this way, you resemble an idiot kangaroo with a watering can stuck on its head.
A pilot tracking an Eastern grey kangaroo and her joey through Hunter Valley, Australia got a little too close, and perhaps underestimated the roo's speed and vertical leap. Although the pilot tried to back the drone up, it was too late: His shit got wrecked.
Another classic episode of the best show on television, PBS' Sex in the Wild, aired last night. This one focused on kangaroos, whose engorged S-shaped penises look like earthworms. If I were a girl (or gay boy) kangaroo, I would take one look at one of those Cronenbergian appendages and say, "Crikey!"
This interspecies battle comes courtesy of Anthony Gill, a father and dog-caretaker living in from Australia, where kangaroos are very prevalent creatures. One afternoon, Gill's great dane Max decided to run after a small mob of roos and ended up getting slapped around by one of the aggressively defensive marsupials. More specifically:
94-year-old Australian Phyllis Johnson was attacked by a rampaging, psycho "Big Red" kangaroo while she was hanging laundry in her backyard on Sunday. Johnson told the Courier-Mail that she "bashed it on the head but it kept going for me," and she was only saved when cops showed up and pepper sprayed its ass. Then her son, who clearly underestimated his badass mother, wanted her to go to the hospital:
Moral of the story: never turn your back on a kangaroo.
Last night, Craig Ferguson showed Kristin Dunst what she thought was a kangaroo's foot but was really kangaroo balls. Later when asked if she was a vegetarian, Dunst says "I need meat in my life."
Apparently, kangaroos use their tails like third legs so they can kick with double the force.