Security guards have a bad reputation for wanton enforcement of arbitrary rules. Is it deserved? Watch this video of a guard at Ground Zero silence a bunch of North Carolina school kids while they’re singing the National Anthem and decide for yourself.
An Upper East Side aunt is suing her pre-teen nephew for six figures over a broken wrist she suffered when he excitedly jumped into her arms to hug her at his 8th birthday party. Her lawsuit claims his “negligent” and “careless” show of affection caused her serious injuries and losses, noting “I was at a party recently and it was difficult to hold my hors d’oeuvres plate.” Damn.
A CCTV video that landed on LiveLeak earlier this week shows a small child deploying a stealthy poop in the middle of a supermarket aisle, allegedly somewhere in Russia. To watch the boy leave what the Mirror drolly calls “his nasty deposit”—it is to laugh. But wait: there’s even more to this multi-layered treasure, and all of the layers contain doo-doo:
On May 20, a Kentucky grade schooler was eating lunch with her friends in the cafeteria when a school employee took away her hot lunch and dumped it in the trash in front of her. The teacher gave her a cheese sandwich to eat instead. Although the student didn’t know it, her lunch account had had a negative balance.
In Belfast the other day, a tween boy burst into tears after achieving the dream of his young life: Going onstage with Nicki Minaj. Nicki, who is a benevolent goddess to her Barbz and is consistently awkward and hilarious around children, clutched the crying boy to her ample bosom and lo, he was healed.
Ted Cruz officially announced his presidential candidacy today at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, and though you could scarcely imagine a safer spot for a Republican to deliver an obligatory and ultimately worthless speech, many of the students in attendance were very willing to see through Cruz's rhetoric.
During a speech to his conservative supporters in Barrington, New Hampshire this weekend, Senator Ted Cruz bashed the "Obama-Clinton foreign policy of leading from behind," saying the "world is on fire," to the horror of a three-year-old sitting in the front row.
A technology teacher in Scotland has been "struck off" (read: fired) from his job at Ardrossan Academy in Ayrshire after it came out that he had been using foul language and frankly genius insults to agitate his students. In one instance—among many beautiful others—he told a student, "Shut up, I shagged your maw."