Koko, the gorilla who uses sign language, is capable of discussing almost anything that human beings might want to see Koko discuss. If you enjoyed the video that’s going around the internet in which Koko shares her thoughts on the global climate-change summit, you’ll definitely be wowed by her review of Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens. We couldn’t have put it better ourselves!
Disgraced wrestling star Hulk Hogan went on Good Morning America this morning to defend himself following the release last month of leaked transcripts of a video in which he repeatedly referred to “fucking niggers” and admitted that he’s a “racist, to a point.” “I’m not a racist,” he told ABC News’ Amy Robach. “I never should have said that. It was wrong.”
Is the CIA physically capable of speaking the truth about its torture program? Not under conventional interrogation. About 20 minutes into CIA director John Brennan's somber-squirrel performance in his press conference yesterday, a reporter for the Associated Press asked him a pointed question: "Do you agree with President Obama's statement that the CIA, in common parlance, tortured detainees?"
This week's New Yorker contains an essay, currently available in the print edition only, by Roger Angell, about what his life is like at the age of 93. It is full of well-wrought observations about loss and mortality and sex and the abundance of existence but it also keeps an eye on the contemporary, as in this passage:
problematic (noun, adjective) You're at work, looking at the Internet instead of doing tasks related to your employment. Something is bothering you! Did a celebrity comment on the issue of race? What is up with Katy Perry being so old? Why is "everyone" on Twitter mentioning a #longread that just didn't do anything for you? Welcome to the world of things that are problematic—meaning, things that don't concern you at all, as opposed to actual problems such as your parking tickets, student loans, self-diagnosed nutritional disorders and loser brother who wants to sleep on your sofa while he "looks for a job."
selfie: (noun) Nobody has any idea how to take a photograph of another person. Or, everyone hates you. What else explains the badly lit and poorly focused horror mugshots your so-called friends produce when pointing their phones at you? Did they try to zoom in on the first pimple you've had in three years, or are they just fundamentally inept at life? Is it absurd to think a person might use the simple photo-editing tools on every phone to change your eyes from demonic-idiot red to their actual color, or to maybe remove that sesame seed stuck between your front teeth? The selfie is your only shot at ever having a decent shot of yourself. Don't be embarrassed. Take as many pictures as it takes to get one of your beautiful face, instead of your flabby arm that somehow got all the light from the flash.