David Copperfield, the man who famously stole the Statue of Liberty in 1983 as a nation looked on in horror and disgust, wants to make a mockery of our American values yet again. David Copperfield wants Congress to officially recognize magic, the same magic that has caused both infinite hours of embarrassment and David Blaine, as “art.”
As we near ever closer to Kristin Cavallari’s literary debut and the sweet release of death, new details about the promotional schedule for Balancing in Heels have emerged. Today Kristin announced that she plans to embark on a cross-country “book tour” next month, making stops in “NYC, Chicago, and LA.”
Sometimes we’re confronted with difficult truths about our heroes, America. And sometimes we’re blessed with incredible stories. On days like today—both. The New York Times reports that one of the stars of FXX comedy The League has been lying for years about juuust barely escaping the World Trade Center after the attacks on September 11. He was in Midtown, as it turns out.
PETA says that an activist who participated in the group’s protests against mammal prison Sea World for years was actually a Sea World employee sent to infiltrate them. “Grab your pitch forks and torches. Time to take down SeaWorld,” the whale-torturing corporate whore wrote on Facebook at one point.
As cartoon plutocrat and sentient overripe pear Donald Trump officially entered the Republican presidential race Tuesday, he pointedly brandished a financial disclosure statement that asserts his net worth to be in the neighborhood of 9 billion dollars. How much is Trump really worth? If history is any guide, the safe answer is: much less than he says he does.
Senator Lindsey Graham (R-John McCain’s sad shadow), a man loathed by conservatives for supporting immigration reform and loathed by non-conservatives for supporting all wars everywhere forever, is running for president. CNN reports that Graham “hopes that his track record on foreign affairs will give him the advantage in a wide-open primary fight.”
During a radio interview yesterday, Senator Rand Paul weighed in on the ongoing unrest in Baltimore. “I came through the train on Baltimore last night,” the Kentucky Republican and 2016 presidential candidate told conservative radio host Laura Ingraham. Chuckling, he added, “I’m glad the train didn’t stop.” There’s just one problem with Sen. Paul’s account: Every train traveling through Baltimore that night stopped at Baltimore’s Pennsylvania Station.