Lincoln, the auto company whose average customer is the same age as Abraham Lincoln, has a problem: they're rolling out a hot new car, and they would like to sell it to some people who may not be about to die. Where is the more youthful, affluent audience for this stupid car? If you said "probably buying a BMW," you are far too honest to ever be a chief marketing officer.
A magician named John Cassidy—world record holder for "most balloon sculptures made in one hour"—visited Michelle Obama at the White House last month. She promptly imprisoned him in a latex bubble, while a White House photographer documented her chilling disregard for the civil liberties of balloon magicians.
Well well well, shut our collective mouths, magically! Last August, a woman accused David Copperfield of luring her to his private island, raping her repeatedly, and then threatening to kill her if she told anyone. Copperfield denied it at the time. But let's be honest: everyone already thought David Copperfield was kind of creepy, so it's the sort of accusation one might be inclined to believe.