“So many of you have commented on how much you enjoy seeing photos of my pets. Most recently, I was asked to share an update on my beautiful cats, my seal point Himalayan, Bartok, and my dominant calico Persians, Princess Peony and Empress Tang. As you will see, all three cats are doing very well, and are enjoying this transition to cooler autumn weather.”
On Monday, America's most famous Type A personality typed a grim little proposition into the Twitter client of her choosing, beckoning her public to follow her to a second blog location like a shirtless man with dirty teeth beckons lost travelers behind his privately-owned service station to show them "some crazy shit."
Here's a news broadcast from Denver that tells the harrowing tale of a family whose glass-top patio table from the Martha Stewart Living collection spontaneously exploded, showering them with glass. Horrifying! And not the first time this has happened.
This is an important question we are asking ourselves today: can Gwyneth Paltrow be stopped? The human-shaped collection of sunlight and feathers has already conquered the acting world, has become the nation's preeminent country-western-singer, and is now poised to take over the food industry. Her new cookbook, My Father's Daughter, is selling like gluten-free hotcakes and now the New York Post wonders if she could become the next Martha Stewart.
Given that Martha had never been on Craig Ferguson's show, she couldn't help but comment on the little man painted in gold or the fake horse named Secretariat that they keep backstage.