Good afternoon. Anthony Weiner announced that he engaged in sexual relationships with up to three women online since resigning from Congress in 2011. Or rather, that's what he says he thinks that he believes. Shall we let him phrase this in his own words? "I don’t believe I had any more than three," he announced at a press conference after someone asked.
After months of speculation, it's official: Anthony Weiner is running for mayor of New York City. “I made some big mistakes,” the former congressman said in his first campaign commercial. True. But if Mark Sanford can make a political comeback, anyone can, though Weiner might want to figure out how many more of his dick pics are still out there.
In a matter of hours, Robert Bruce Ford has gone from being known as "Toronto's conservative mayor" to "Toronto's crack-smoking mayor." But we're getting ahead of ourselves here. Before he was Rob Ford, Crack Smoker, he was Rob Ford, Canadian Football Fan. Or Rob Ford, Wildly Racist Bigot. You might even know him as Rob Ford, Wife Beater. To help us explore the Rob Ford of the past, we have compiled a compendium of Mayor Rob Ford's controversies—the scandals, the rage and outrageousness, the wit and witticisms—organized thematically below:
The world cried out for more words on puppy-rescuing Newark Mayor, New Jersey Senate hopeful and Twitter celebrity Cory Booker, and Buzzfeed has delivered — 5,000 of them, answering the question "Can Cory Booker Keep It Together?" (the answer: Maybe?). Unfortunately, only a handful are devoted the only question anyone really cares about: is he gay? The answer, again, is "maybe?"
Another day, another weird sex-related news story starring a Republican politician from New Jersey. Today's installment stars Medford mayor and one-time Congressional candidate Chris Myers, who allegedly has a thing for blue Calvin Klein underpants and also rentboys—though maybe not, because have you heard about the nefarious things people do with this Photoshop computer-program stuff?
In the U.S., mayors deal with cars parked in bike lanes by saying We have bike lanes? Are you sure? In Lithuania, mayors deal with cars parked in bike lanes by running them over with a goddamn tank.
The city council in Sheboygan, Wisconsin wants to remove the mayor from office because he's a self-proclaimed alcoholic who recently went on a three-day bender during which he got into a fight and passed out at some schlubby tavern that, from pictures, looks just like how stale Cheese Doodles smell.