Faced with a shifting marketplace, McDonald’s has ventured into the burgeoning Siberian restaurant scene and attempted to rebrand itself as a “modern progressive burger company.” Shockingly, neither of these totally credible business strategies have managed to offset the existential threat posed by rival burger companies, like Five Guys and Shake Shack, who distinguish themselves by selling actual organic food in their restaurants.
McDonald’s, a protracted practical joke whose punchline is cardiovascular disease, is apparently still sore enough over Super Size Me that they’ve produced a documentary of their own to refute its depiction of their so-called “food.” Only this one—entitled 540 Meals—is being shown as educational material to school children around America. Dammit.
A video that spread online earlier this week, showing a teenage McDonald’s employee being pulled through a drive-thru window and into a car, seemed too crazy to be real. But the attack wasn’t staged, and charges have been filed against the woman who allegedly grabbed the worker, plus three others in the car with her.
Police have arrested 16-year-old Aniah Ferguson in connection with a gruesome fight that broke out in a Brooklyn McDonald's Wednesday. In cell phone video that quickly made its way around Facebook, one teen can be seen being battered by a group as a crowd of bystanders scream.
SXSW, Austin's annual sticky-floored music industry sport coat and jeans cocaine marathon, wherein bands willingly exhaust themselves playing garbage sets for little or no money, deriving sustenance from tacos and the hope of "exposure," features a McDonald's showcase this year. And, no doy, they aren't paying.
McDonald's, the molded plastic king of America's molded plastic cuisine, has decided that money will no longer suffice to purchase its meager offerings; the company now demands that you degrade yourself in order to be fed.